if it surprises you.

i am bored. please forgive me.


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. sarah
2. ra
3. bunnie

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
1. sarah.
2. rarasexybunnie.
3. rararista.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. my hamster cheeks.
2. my eyes.
3. my ass. i've been told it's nice. HAHAA.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. my legs. eww.
2. my scars.
3. my skin. too sensitive, hickies tend to stay a LONG time.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. i'm chinese.
2. i'm a vampire.
3. we're all good-looking. mostly.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. emotional attachment.
2. pillowtalk.
3. unwanted pleas for commitment.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. good music.
2. cigarettes.
3. booze.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW
1. the oversized t-shirt mark bought for me years ago in cambodia that says "I SURVIVED CAMBODIA". it's a good thing i'm reminded, i can hardly believe it myself.
2. white panties.
3. contact lenses?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTES
1. guns and roses.
2. killers.
3. manson.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW)
1. clouds, junkie XL.
2. love is only a feeling, the darkness.
3. welcome to the jungle, guns and roses.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR
1. i am an alcoholic.
2. i'm near naked.
3. i'm cocky.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. confidence. sexy.
2. hair. if you want me, look the part.
3. intellect. i enjoy good conversation, believe it or not.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. reading.
2. writing.
3. making merry.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. booze.
2. kill someone.
3. meet ruffles.

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED
1. being the owner of an ice-cream truck.
2. a lawyer.
3. i can't tell. the consequences on my social life will be too dire.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1. rome.
2. england.
3. germany. BEER FEST.

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE
1. max.
2. clarence.
3. adriel. (SIGHHHHH.)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. tell manson i love him in person.
2. make out with alice cooper.
3. slap oprah.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL
1. i use makeup. i'm extremely vain, believe me.
2. i wear a bra. nice, pretty bras. (regardless of mervyn's redundant opinions of whether or not they're funny.)
3. i suck.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. i smoke after sex.
2. i beer.
3. drumsssssssssssssss.

THREE PEOPLE YOU ARE TAGGING TO DO THIS QUIZ
1. bestie.
2. bunny.
3. mervyn.

HAHAHAHAHAA OMG. DO IT IF YOU LOVE ME. DO ITTTTTTTTTT!

confessions of a diva.

being consistently inconsistent has always been easy for me. keeping expectations low, preserving the challenge of daring consequences of my selfish actions to catch up with me. i've succeeded. i face regret, which by now, in all honesty become stranger to me.

much as i hate to admit it, i'm becoming a more mellow person. sentimental, soft. spelling out my vulnerability has never been a problem, but only when i had something to gain out of it. be it votes thrown in my favor, a drink, or the gratification i get from simply letting it out. i'll admit here, i am fucking manipulative.

many men and women i've dated do not understand this. they tend to think that i can't possibly be all that different from the rest of the human species. that like everyone else, i have to have a soft spot somewhere. i do. but what they don't seem to get, is that that particular spot is encased in shaken beliefs, broken dreams, and shattered illusions. so much of it, that even as rubble, is inpenetratable.

like i've always been saying, i'm not a simple girl to understand. i am not like everyone else. i have seen things no one else has, and i see things in a different light altogether. many who have heard my stories have dismissed them. many whom have heard me speak shrug it off, like water off a duck's back. they attribute it to my cockiness, my ego, which even ni do not deny i have a lot of.

the reason of this being so, is that i tell it like it is, and knowing people for who they are, i know no one wants to really stop and listen. who does, really, nowadays? somewhere else to be, something else to see, someone new to meet. the excuses never do stop flowing.

the difference between the rest of you and i is that i don't expect anyone else to listen. what i will do at the end of everything is say "i told you so" accompanied with a self-righteous smirk.

read the fine print. no one should ever be too busy for that.

temporal changes, ever changing sources of HOPE

they ebb away and leave me

strings they break, and i am,

i am the cause of this DESTRUCTION.

do you not understand me?

after all, we're just shells.

disposable.

we don't matter, never did.

devoid, i'll bury you alive.

"i'm not the kind of kid you can give a pill to,
tell her whether it's either candy or poison
and say you'll tell her what it is
AFTER she eats it."

you may quote me.

***

i love my friends, all of you. bestest, bunny, scandal, karina and even mervyn. not forgetting my favorite bartenders in the whole wide world. thanks for the words, the hugs, support and love.

blackmail doesn't always work.

almost settled, really. i'm moving out. although i have next to no regard for defending myself, i do want everyone to know that this is not as pointless as it sounds.

reasons to run

• fucked up rules
• fucked up life
• i don't want to go to a girls' home
• i don't want to be opressed
• i don't want to be as my ex loves to say "a voice crying out in the woods"
• i'm bored
• i'm filled with resentment
• and anger
• and brutality at the moment

reasons not to run

• sheri
• fucking guilt trip

quite honestly, much as the second one pretty much counts for shit here, i do own one. yes, i've made contact with my long lost conscience. haha. whatever.

sheri is my sister. someone i care a lot for. someone i'd die for. probably the only one in the family i can have anything close to a decent conversation with. i see the desire in her to alleviate my pain. it is really more than enough to hurt, really. is she reason enough to stay?

don't try to psychoanalyze me. it's really not going to work. i've beaten myself up too many times over the same thing. i keep hearing "patience. time will work things out." from people who thinks it passes as advice.

too many things require that particular virtue, if you ask me. i don't have it.

at times like these, i ask myself this question which never fails to scare me.

sarah,
how will you DIE?

and i choose the most careful of words that weigh the most, i hope you will understand.
i love you too. i just wish they were there the way you were.

start coming up with your own lines for a change.

i'm apologetic, to those who await my every post with bated breath, that i haven't been posting. yes i've been busy. forgive me, i haven't had the time because i've been coping with my pent up angst and frustrations. i never knew how much of that i had.

okay i lied. anyway, after the day at the interview, came friday.

I CUT MY HAIR.
it's nice, if any of you noticed.

met up with soulmate. hanky pankied. i will not post pictures because i do not have any. haa.

was supposed to meet boy after that, and did briefly. kfc-ed with the both of them at cine. we then went up to the 9th floor and had a round of foosball, at which i

totally.
kicked.
ass.

as usual. boy decided getting trashed by a girl at a supposedly manly thing wasn't worth it (HAHA) so he went back to work. soulmate and i were bored and had plenty of time to kill. so what did we do?

CS-ed.

ahh yes, the famed past-time of no lifers. brings back memories so sweet that are coincidentally the same ones i want the most to forget. regardless, after protesting for a good ten minutes, i caved and allowed soulmate to indulge in his fantasies of being an iraqi modern-day warrior.

because soulmate is WAYYYYY nicer than mervyn, i will admit to this. i got owned. a small consolation was that we joined one of those huge ass groups of fucking pros and he got owned too. so it's okay.

soulmate had to head off, so he dropped me off at volar, and i was marked present second day in a row. damien had the nine o'clock shift, so we headed off to the pub next door and sang funny songs on the karaoke thing. he bought me two vodka redbull doubles. (see soulmate, i do support your cause)

headed back to volar just in time to catch freddy and THE confrontation began. favorite bartenders were joking about having to hide knives and scissors and whatnot. actually anything that was a potential weapon. but really there was no need for that. i just needed the truth.

apparently, no girlfriend. or rather, the answer he gave was "complicated". i know by now when i hear a yes and a no when i hear it. that was almost definitely a yes. at the same time, i recognized the glimmer of sincerity when he said he still loved me a significant bit and wouldn't lie to me.

for the record, i am not turning soft, nor is this particular blog post turning into some emo rant. like i've repeated this a thousand times before, i just hate being lied to.

eitherway, i allowed myself to be rewarded with a kiss for staying sober for so long, and we made nice. had a few more whiskey cokes, and that really put me in my place. i met nice foreign students from china who are on scholarship in NAFA, then came home piss drunk.

saturday was pretty much shit. woke up with a hangover, and the already bad day just got worse. decided to meet dance god, and chill at the studio with his other dance people. it began to rain, when i decided i was late, so i just got late-r.

was bored as hell when i realized some of the people there couldn't dance for SHIT. yeahh just girls trying to look hot and not succeeding. their fat thighs and all. eww.

was supposed to get my ass down to volar yet again. but decided my time would be better spent getting funky with dance god, so i did. one more thing apart from pillowtalk that i hate with a vengeance is being fucking SMUGGLED.

I CANNOT STAND MEN WHO DAREN'T SHOW THEIR GIRLS TO THEIR RESPECTIVE MOMS.

go home and cultivate your balls.

today was tiring as hell. and boring. was up at 8. plans to meet one of the multitudes of exes was a bust, and boy housed me for a few hours when i was stranded in town. went over and watched a few minutes of porn, then watched this uber sick movie called OLD BOY.

omg. i won't say anymore in case you actually do go watch it. but i swear to god, you will NOT be disappointed.

"i never get talked to like that, EVER.
regardless of how slutty you think i am,
or how much i enjoy sex,
i hate to tell you and burst your bubble, but
I AM NOT FOR FUCKING SALE."

you may quote me.

top-notch ratings, don't stop.

he wrote her a song,
then asked her to sing along.

but.

she said, i don't know the words.

what words, he asks.
all we need is the music in our hearts,
the dance in our souls.

you know I LOVE YOU.
that's all that matters,
no?

and all she could do,
the least she could do was think to say,
oh, the words that deserted her,
when she needed them most.

"i love you too."

knowing it wouldn't last,
even if the last sunrise appeared before she left.
even if the last raindrop fell.
it wouldn't hurt her if she didn't think about it,
would it?

they would haunt her.
yes, it would end.

she said them anyway,
knowing the full consequence.

at least,
they would give her closure.

eyes emerald, shining
lips ruby red, moist
hands in her lap, tense
poised,

"i love you too."

one chance,
this one
was all he needed to tear her apart,
because she gave him her world.
and he.

he gave her an empty song.

by sarah, 22.08.08



just because. because i wanted to make beauty, because i wanted to watch it shatter.

you always knew how to take the words right out of my mouth. thankfully, i have a knack for.. hearing the good stuff. maybe that's why all of a sudden, i realize i know nothing about you.

nutmegs, margaritas, sex.

random note. i miss my bestie. i miss david, and kenny trains. i miss sean. i miss max, and damien. i miss scandal, and fel, and jo and wani. and my pretty minah fana. i miss them all. i know how neglected you guys must feel. i didn't forget you. i'm sorry.

I WILL MEET UP WITH YOU ALL SOON.

i went for the interview today. although it seemed promising, i have to admit that after talking to some of the people who were also short listed, it scared me. many things seemed wrong, many things seemed out of place. the initial impression i had, as compared to what i heard them say, made me see how i wasn't so invincible after all. i am SO naive. young, and such a green-horn.

it seriously SCARED me.

i'm used to many, many things. feeling intimidated, is definitely not one of them.

met D today at VOLAR, after the interview, and hanging out with ronald, my new friend. i suppose things are resolved between us. actually, not quite. but a major part of the night went relatively well. just good enough.

my favorite bartenders take very, very good care of me, and i love them to bits. thanks for the jack cushion to hug darling, i really needed it. the two of them sweethearts really brightened up my day, you know. thanks.

you know, everyone should take turns buying me drinks. i need cheering up. desperately.

babe, my babe.

bunny my baby, i love you and we had fun dressing up and everythingggggggggggggggg. but you gotta admit we didn't have fun at the pub because BOYS SUCK LIKE THAT.

LOVE YOU LAH NABEI.

sing this song.

after the whole withdrawal ordeal, i went to yishun to meet bunny. i tell you, waiting for this woman to pick her clothes, get dressed, get made up and whatever else equates to LIVING HELL. tonight i was her muse, and she made me look pretty. unfortunately, we forgot photos, which was why we dolled ourselves up in the first place. but but but my hair was

AUSSAM-LY KEWL.

went down to ceaser's again, tonight with ken, bob, and some of their friends.

they reminded me of why i adore older men. enough said.

i just met HB for some thai weed. ily HB thanks very much. now i'm hardcore high and am going to fantasize about hot people. night all.

"what i want, i fucking GET.
it's the sarah way."

momma told me.

agenda for today includes finally getting my ass down to RP and pulling out officially. ceasers later, so see su ann, i hope i can get bunny to come.

i don't even remember blogging last night. i bought two packs of cigarettes yesterday and now i'm left with 9 sticks. chain-smoking? i don't remember that either.

i do remember soulmate coming down with a pretty girl to meet boy and i. then another pretty girl came. and then another guy. oh and when boy and i were still alone, some random dude came and sat down. his name was dick. and and and his friends came after that and monopolized OUR table. we got bored of his stupid hairdressing stories and left them to their talk, and sat somewhere else. boy said dick wanted to get into my pants. eww.

i remember me getting vair vair high. and making multiple trips to the loo, and me hurling all over the place. i remember me merlioning behind the pillar outside the bar as well. that was gross. i remember su ann my sweetheart asking me if i were okay. and then i had lemons. and then boy walked to me a cab.

i have a dollar and twenty cents in my wallet now.

I AM FUCKED.

the way you say no.

helllllllllllllllllllllllluva night. i just embarrassed myself in front of a lot a lot of people. oh shit.

i feel stupid. and i'm STILL high. yes, what the fuck, i know. after two lemon slices and an hour long cold bath.

i'm talking to bunny on the phone, and i can't stop giggling.

GHEY.

nonetheless, as i told boy, i am enjoying this temporary high for as long as i possibly can before drifting off to sleep, before waking up and being face with the reality of either working or starving.

i hate my life.

then again, because i am so fucking full of appeal, attitude, style, and drive, i'm sure i'll get what i want eventually. hahaa what the fuck, no link. told you i'm still high.

i like marshmallows, sheep and razors. i listen to yanni, boys like girls, guns and roses and the darkness. i eat everything yummy. i am very horny.

fuck this, i'm going to bed, BYE.

arcade tokens and piggy banks.

to person 1:

it's not like i didn't tell you. it's not like i didn't fucking SPELL IT OUT for you. it's not like i lead you on or anything. so tell me WHY ARE YOU SO PISSED.

this has been bothering me since yesterday, because even though i'm in no way affected by the sudden shortage of of alcohol, cigarettes and cab fares from you (because i have other sources), i am annoyed at men's apparent inability to LISTEN. for the second time this week, i've been confronted with all this shit about my morals, my coldness, my cruelty and whatever else.

seriously though, i'm starting to wonder what it will take for you to realize

I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING RAT'S ASS.

from the beginning, i've been telling you things like
"i'm not ready for commitment."
"i don't see the point in settling down."
"i'm have never been into monogamy, save for one exception, and i'm done with that."
"don't like me."
"don't fall for me, ever."
"i'm dangerous. don't be stupid."
"NO."

DO YOU GET MY POINT YET.

obviously not. you read my blog, then you get all upset and dickweed-like, and blame all your life's tragedies on me.

D you are 26 years old. GROW THE FUCK UP.

didn't your momma tell you the world is a cold, cruel place.

wise up, dude. no one's gonna wing you. no one's gonna be around.



to person 2:

if you got something to say. TALK TO ME.


person 3:

you are a fucking piece of work. what i write about is none of your fucking business, and it is not your place to say that i'm a cheap whore with no dignity. you're just JEALOUS i'm better looking and i have more right to what every girl wants.

who doesn't like being taken out, being shown off, being happy?

if you have what it takes,

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO THE SAME.

it's important for you to understand, sex is not the reason men like me. the fundamental difference between you and i, for example, is very apparent.

you email me voicing your opinion. are you afraid people will see? the tagboard is right HERE. ->
you say i'm a slut because i flaunt my body. you said flaunt, implying i have a nice body. thank you. i know i'm beautiful. don't insult me because you ain't got it.
you say i'm cheap, because men buy me things. are you implying that men don't do the same in your case? poor thing. i'm not cheap because i enjoy them. you think i am, because you think it's for sexual favors. it's not.

interesting, how your hostility is so obvious in that three-liner email. i wonder why you hate me so much, even when you don't know me. i don't know how you found me, but you obviously thought me interesting enough to read the entire blog (as you yourself claimed). thanks for thinking me worth of your spazzing. i am looking forward to your next email of veiled admiration.



i'm done with ranting, thank you.



yesterday was a two-in-a-day, and i thoroughly enjoyed myself. i even CABBED to yishun to chill with bunny at her place (her mom is seriously scary), and hence the photos i posted last night.

for those who haven't yet noticed, i added this little banner thing at the bottom of my page. it's so pretty. :D

yay me.

bunny's classmates are CHEEBYES and i would have loved to go down. but i know bunny told me not to go, because she loves me many much. bunny i love you too you know you know.

su ann and i. bugis. 5.

i will be there or be square. hahaa what the fuck.

bakerz inn.

edit:

these are the pictures i actually DO like. enjoy this edit.

this was when bunny was sleeping like nobody's business, and she left me to DIE. thank god for webcams.













i'm so pretty.

i LOVE me.

and THIS was when bunny was actually awake. and WE were camwhoring.

aren't we the cutest.

bitch with a conscience.

you wanna feel helpless? you wanna feel bad? you wanna feel like you owe people an answer you cannot give? then go ahead. be as big of a bastard as you want. no one's going to stop you. i just don't understand why. why you feel you have to change what you say it this way. like it doesn't matter that your morals and principals are. it matters. to people you haven't even met yet. it matters.

the moment has come
the feelings gone
we've swallowed the sun
and waved goodbye to love again
staring down
tears roll down
and land at your feet
broken clouds
a canvas torn for all to see

and at the risk of sounding melodramatic,

boy, you know NOTHING of this pain.

if i could take it back, i wouldn't.

lovely liy asked me how to get a guy to want you in bed if you're unattached to each other.

first things first. men don't care if you're attached to him. men don't care if they're attached to someone else. men don't care if YOU'RE attached to someone else. if they want you in bed, they want you in bed. men are fucking animals with no conscience when they start thinking with their dicks. which happens an awful lot.

second, if you noticed, men like girls who exude the aura of UNATTAINABILITY. they like the challenge, as much as we enjoy the chase. it's like what people say about sex complicating things. my interpretation is that the only thing sex fucks up is the time line.

women these days give in too goddamn easy, and they give too much.

so the secret here is simple. look good, feel good and show it. love yourself, and let the guys around you know you should be treated like a fucking empress. i'm not telling you to be all pompous and stuck up and walk with your nose in the air. i'm saying plain and simple, down to earth, but be sexy.

also good to know, three things that almost guarantee leading to sex when the two of you are alone. in this order,

talk.
tease.
tickle.

i'm not kidding. talking and emoting with the fella gets him interested. teasing gets him aroused. tickle fights give him the opening shot. and when you do make out, it almost always leads to sex.

85 percent of the time, this works.

alternatively you could always save time and say

"i'm horny. you, me, bed. NOW."

there's no almost always with this. it's ALWAYS, ALWAYS. provided you're hot that is. if you're not, i can't help you.

liy also requested a picture of D, as did bunny. unfortunately, the boy refuses to take a photo. ahh well. as a consolation, i have this. as a visual titbit.


meet freddy. 21 and adorable. model, heading a t-shirt design company, beat-boxer, dancer, and my ex-boyfriend TWICE OVER. once when i was 13, another when i was 16. funny how things work out, no? yes we still keep in contact. and i mean in more than one interpretation of the phrase.

by the way, some of my friends would know those shorts i'm wearing are my very, very favorite pair of bedroom shorts.

HAS ANYONE SEEN THEM?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

my legs are fat. ish. okay no they're not. i just have a really really nice butt. hahaa. like scandal always used to say:

"HAHAA WTF NO LINK!"

wait, i'm gonna get another picture because i cannot resist. way too hot.

god i'm such a SLUT.

ruffles in the morning! can't wait. :]

to irwan:

i'm sorry you read this. you can't say i didn't warn you. feel better and stop getting bummed out. a girl you've never even met isn't worth it. you've read this, and now you know me. so run before you get way in over your head. please.

as the echoes within, the cat is out.

i don't get why some of my friends ask me how to get someone interested in them. how can you not know. HOW, I ASK YOU. perhaps what i have is a gift, but still, after spending between 18 to 20 years on this planet, you still do not know how to hold a conversation with a member of the opposite sex? that's seriously sad.

so because i am the KINDEST SOUL around (and believe me, i am), i will divulge the secrets of woman hood, and the extensive knowledge i have about men. though all of you who take notice of this particular post should really be thoroughly be ashamed of yourselves. tsk.


INITIATING A CONVERSATION:

for men:

• confidence.
• every man should have a little of it. because regardless of how sexy you are, or the other extreme for that matter, i've met some of you who still have low self esteem even when faced with being bombarded with compliments. point one, sexiness is all about attitude, which encompasses confidence. get some.

• eye contact.
• make eye contact with your target. this might be hard if you're in a club and only found out what she REALLY looks like when you're up close, if she's hideous, turn around to face the person on your other side and pretend you're talking to her instead.
• if you are spared the tragedy, then always, always fucking look her in the eye when you're talking to her. do not, at any cost, allow your eyes to stray to her chest, because if she is worth getting, she WILL slap you.

• pay attention.
• listen to every word she's saying, or pretend you are. if you're in a club or someplace horrendously noisy, ask her to chat with you for a minute in a quieter corner. prepare lines to regurgitate. NOT things like "okay.", "that's really interesting.", "uhm.", etc. girls are not stupid. most of them anyway. if they are smart, they will slap you, because here, they WILL know you're not listening. if she buys it, she's either retarded or cheap, at which point, you may slap yourself, for picking up someone not worth five minutes of your time.

for ladies:

• confidence.

• this does NOT equate to you wearing your sluttiest dress on the rack, or piling on as much make up as you can. smile, laugh, and make conversation with the guy if you decide he's interesting. offer to pay for your drink, but don't. guys dig that.

• humor.
• men apparently love women who have a good sense of humor. joke with him, talk about stupid things you and your friends have done, but don't laugh too much if you snort like miss congeniality. though it's obviously good to be naturally glamorous at all times, don't be plastic. and stop acting like prudes, because then you'll come across as snotty, and that's a huge turn off.

• etiquette.
• chew with your mouth closed. laugh only after you swallow. sit which ever way you want, just not with your legs wide open. most importantly, know you've had enough alcohol for the night. drunk girls are a fucking walking disaster. by this i mean as long as you can get yourself home by the way. abstaining from merlioning at the side of the road does not count.

• being classy.
• like i said. it's not about being a prude. it's a lot of taking good care of yourself, and maintaining an image that oozes sex, as well as keeping that ice queen exterior men are seemingly so fond of. take note of this please. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO USE FORCE TO GET RID OF UNWANTED ATTENTION. if a guy is irritating, slap him. if a guy keeps staring at your cleavage, slap him. if a guy starts rating you with his friends but has no balls to walk over and talk to you, walk over and slap him. losers are asking for it, so don't feel guilty.

PICK UP LINES:

for men:

• pick ups.
• use them. i'm not kidding. girls like it. of course, they will laugh at you, and ridicule you in front of their friends, but they'll think you're cute and brave for trying. their friends will be sitting there wishing someone used one of your lines on them. or you'll serve as entertainment. for the record, by pick up lines, i do not mean shit like

• "you must be tired, cos you've been running through my mind all day."
• "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
• "if i had a dollar for every time i saw someone as pretty as you, i'd be 9 bucks short of a pack of cigarettes."
• "if you were a booger i'd pick you first."

• i'm talking about the classics. such as

• "there are 206 bones in the human body. do you want another one?"
• "you know what would look good on you? me."
• "people call me john, but you can call me tonight"

• or even better. warning: this only works for the best and the hottest.

• "hi."

for ladies:

• retaliating to pick ups.
• if he says something CHEESY, give him credit for effort, let him buy you a drink.
• if he says something WITTY, reward him with an extended conversation.
  
• if he says something FUNNY, laugh like hell, but tell him he's adorable.
• if he says something STUPID, tell him you don't get it and make him repeat it twenty times before asking him to go away.
• if he says something OFFENSIVE, slap him.

PAYMENT

for men:

• always try to pay. always. if you are broke, you don't deserve to be let out amongst the ladies.

for ladies:

• offer to pay. if he actually lets you without putting up any resistance, or without signs of reluctance, don't turn up for the next date.

SEX

for men:

• foreplay.
• females LOVE foreplay. you have to understand, women enjoy foreplay far more than sex, because most men are impatient, greedy bastards, and they make their mess way too fucking early. so be nice, and make sure she's at very least screaming for you before making your, ahem, grand entrance.
• sex.
• most females (keep in mind i'm not one of them, most of the time) prefer making love, as compared to hardcore sex. so keep your wildest fantasies to yourself, please. if you absolutely have to be a dick, don't ask her to do weird things too often or she'll complain. once a week is quite ENOUGH.
• girls (once again, leave me out of this category) like pillowtalk during lovemaking. they like eye contact, they like your fingers tracing the outline of their cheekbones and other weird things like that. comply every once in awhile, because every girl likes to feel like you CAN slow down for her. of course, if she's telling you to hump faster, don't go out on your way to do the opposite thinking she'll love you for it. she won't.
• post-sex.
• cuddle with her for a bit, however long you're comfortable with. then go shower. i personally think hygiene is sexy, and i like my boys to be clean 5 minutes after sex, tops, thanks.
• if you're going to have a cigarette, just make sure she doesn't mind. personally i love lighting up after a workout, but there are girls who don't like inhaling yours and my contribution pollution, so for their sake, always ask.
• if you're gonna get food, ask us if we want some too.
• if you're going to sleep, act cute and warn us you're drifting off. if you're good at acting cute, we generally won't mind.
  

for women:

• foreplay.
• guys generally don't enjoy this much and mostly just want to get it over and done with. the only reason why they often put up with it, is because they know you like it. if he's hot, good for you. watch him at work, get turned on fast, then tell him you want him, and then you'll have a happy man.
• sex.
• men being men, have weird thoughts. bring their wet dreams on our plane every once in awhile, just to keep things fresh. besides, we like our men happy, don't we?
  
• pillowtalk is not usually a guy thing, but if they think you want to hear it (and they could be reading signals wrong), sometimes they'll cave. if you like it, smile and let them know you like it. if you do not enjoy pillowtalk like me, look him in the eye, and say "screw that. shut up and fuck me.". it works pretty damned well.
• post-sex
• cuddling, once again, is not a guy thing. for however long he cuddles with you, appreciate it, and tell him he's good in bed. if he wasn't, tell him he is anyway and pity the next girl he screws. give him a kiss when he rolls over you to get out of bed, and giggle if they stumble.
• if he smokes, and he wants a stick, speak your mind. if you want to have one to, there's no need to say anything. if you don't mind him smoking, say so. if you do mind, let him know it bothers you. you just slept with him, it's okay.
• if he wants to eat or sleep after sex, let him. it's a guy thing they all do. they call it recuperating. i know. whatever.

so there you have it. basically all the need-to-knows. now hot men and beautiful girls don't have an excuse. if you're ugly i have no idea why you're here in the first place, because i can't help you unless you're intending to go under the knife or something drastic like that. regardless of what everyone else nice says, outer beauty is as important as inner beauty. in fact, outer wins,

because as long as you're hot and smart,
you can get away with murder.

go try it if you don't believe me.

take a walk in her shoes. i don't share.

many of you have been asking about my plans for after i get officially withdrawn from school (which is monday, for the benefit of those who have not been reading) and my allowance gets cut significantly. this is one of the select few questions i have been asked in my lifetime that i have not found an answer to of yet.

today however, i got off my lazy (firm/perky) ass, and went to A JOB FAIR. like i know, right. sarah and job. HAHAA.

it may not sound that funny yet but look at this.

sarah + job
= sarah + responsibility
= sarah + gets fired anyway

i quote nattie.

"some people are destined for greatness and some for failure, and sarah you are none of them. you're one of those born losers who have to work hard to be a failure."

stop laughing, that wasn't meant to be funny.

though i've always loved nat for being honest, but even I thought this was a little mean. until i realized it was true. the tragedy of life is finding that whatever your parents told you about you being good-looking, smart and bound to succeed in life are all fucking LIES.

anyways, i got over that little depressant, and headed for the fair anyway with sean. he was vair vair sweet, agreeing to come and all. considering it was raining horses and dinosaurs when we both left the house and he didn't feel much like going out.

we went to suntec convention centre for the thing and walked around aimlessly. do you know you have to fucking REGISTER for those things? like what the hell for? dude i'm sorry for being annoying but i don't get it. don't you register with the booth people if you're interested? whatever. moving on.

after being hit on by a few of these men i affectionately dub "the booth people" (as afore mentioned), i ventured daringly into one of them. booths i mean, not men. the guy in it tried to talk to me to, i just kind of blocked him out, till i realized he was talking about the job offer which i was genuinely interested in, instead of saying "you're the prettiest girl i've met all day." like ever other booth person who started talking to me. then i started listening.

i can't remember what it was exactly he was doing, but it had something to do with WINE, selling wine to people by fucking cases. which suits me fine, seeing that i should know about this before i open my dream restaurant-by-day-wine-bar-by-night thing.

i liked that. so i left my personal information with him and he said he'd get me back for an interview, and i walked off. though being the idiot that i was, i forgot to write down my number. and that adorable booth man went around looking for me when he realized he was missing that vital bit of info, and finally found me 45 minutes later by mediacorp's booth.

sean and i got bored so we decided to leave and head off to town where he was meeting his friend, and i was meeting D.

D and i had dinner at paragon then headed to the hilton for my champagne and his whiskey coke. aziz and jessica were performing, and gods how i loved it. i was so enchanted, in fact, that when i saw them leave the premises for a smoke break, i had a rush of TEENYBOPPER FEVER and followed them out, intending to compliment them on the beautiful music they made.

jessica disappeared to god knows where and aziz spoke to me instead. i couldn't recognize him without the piano obscuring his face, but he saw mine alright i suppose.

aziz: you're the girl sitting up front, aren't you?
me: hahaa yes i am! do you happen to be the pianist?
aziz: yes! did you enjoy the performance?
me: yes of course i did, the two of you are really fantastic. your partner can really sing.
aziz: i suppose.. do you sing?
me: yes i do, but not as well as she can..

and the banter went on for half an hour. it finally ended with him inviting me to sing with him on stage soon. how sweet! :] i have to admit, i completely forgot about D existance. so now that i did, i felt a bit bad (very rare), and headed back in.

he looked a bit grouchy, but then i didn't really care anymore. he went out for his smoke and i sat there in my comfy chair listening to people talking and felt slightly annoyed. PEOPLE FROM CHINA SERIOUSLY NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. thankfully, jessica and aziz came back on. D was being a bit irritating so rather than just sit there and get distracted by his pouting, i decided that if the music wasn't going to get my full attention that it deserved, then i'd rather go. i announced that i wanted to leave, and at very least, the boy didn't be a bitch about that. jessica stopped singing to say goodbye, and aziz took one hand of the keys to wave to me. i got goodbyes from 3 concierges and a security manager as well. nobody took any notice of D. they were probably put off by his bitch fit too. haa.

we got into a cab, eventually and i dropped him off first. don't worry, he still paid. i spent the last fifteen minutes without him on the way home replaying the day's events and all the compliments i've received. considering that i left the house at 3 30, and it was only 9 10 when i got home, it was a pretty damn fulfilling day. i actually feel accomplished. don't rain on my parade, because like the dark horse that won the 100m sprint, I OCCASIONALLY GET TO HAVE MY MOMENTS.

i LOVE me.

tantamount to treason.

i met up with one of my favorite bitches in the world today. his name is mervyn. oh gods, it's been forever.

i was supposed to meet up with mike, but he must have had a terribly busy night before, because he slept all the way till fucking 6 30 this evening. cute as he is, i couldn't help feeling annoyed. if there's one thing i hate as much as guys i don't want being mushy being mushy, is being fucking stood up.

anyways, we bummed around town, or actually just at cine, because we were waiting for his friend, and since we had nothing to do.. i

TOTALLY
OWNED
HIS
ASS

at foosball. told you i was good. and i would so have owned his ass again playing CS, but he was too damn chicken to play with me.

his friend was supposed to come meet us at cine, but not only was the bitch late, she didn't call or message, and best of fucking all, didn't fucking turn up. not that it was a disappointment or anything. i mean hanging out with a girl alone, i mean mervyn, in town is already pretty fucking boring as it is. i don't need another girl, more so if she's a AH-LIAN-SCENE-KID-WANNABE.

cabbed over to meet D yet AGAIN, and we decided to give the hilton and a meet up with his boss a miss for today. we ordered in from pasta mania, and watched coupling. which is fucking hilarious. GO WATCH, SLUTS.

thank god my ears were spared from the PILLOWTALK i detest from the bottom of my heart tonight. i think it turned me off more than i actually think it did. i actually found it in me to tell D that i wasn't in the mood for sex today.

excuse me but
when have i NOT been in the mood for sex?

i think i've got a bug of some sort, screwing with my system.

helluva day, regardless. apparently, a rigorous work out in bed (or any where else, for that matter, in my case) is not the only thing that exhausts me. well.

su ann is vair vair sweet. she said the blog is sexy. HAHAA.

tonight i watched the lights go out.

don't get me wrong, i'm no feminist. but it's a FACT that the manly men in the universe are a dying breed. now they're all turning into GIRLS.

tch. feelings.. WHO CARES ABOUT FUCKING FEELINGS YOU TELL ME.

i will NOT let myself fall in love.
i will not let MYSELF fall in love.
i will not let myself fall in LOVE.

especially with a pussy.

i think i'm manly. i drink beer, i smoke reds, i smoke after sex, i sleep after sex, i play the drums, i eat almost everything edible, i have an extensive vocab of profanities in my dictionary, I DON'T CLING TO YOUR TEETH AND BEG FOR COMMITMENT (well not with every tom, dick and harry that i date), i don't like shopping all the time. the list goes on.

men of the world, GROW SOME BALLS.

the bona fide nobody.

some people seriously have no self worth, i tell you. sucks balls, knowing you have always been cheating on me. the latest shock is hearing other people telling me you've been telling them you loved me to pieces and telling them that you just didn't know how to make me happy. and that we were not working out when we were working out FINE.

correction, i've always know you were an ASSHOLE by default. but this? so much for marrying me and no one else. i'm appalled by your conduct, or rather, the way you behaved when you were still with me.

having your fun is one thing, but you telling me to wait and watch you fuck around (what you think is) behind my back, is an entirely different matter.

for fucking MONTHS i've been just taking in all your dirty little secrets, swallowing your lies whole, regurgitating what you claim are your truth as excuses for you to my friends. so just sit back and watch as i unravel your fucking bandages and expose you as the bastard you really are.

you cheated, you lied, you did WEED, you broke up with me, you hurt me, you made me cry, you used me, you emotionally blackballed me, along with many other things you promised you would never do. how do you plead now, hmm?

OHH I THINK YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE.

i've got witnesses, people coming to me one by one now that we've broken up, telling me about all your adventured riddled with infidelity and countless character flaws. for the record, i'm not "MAKING YOU VULNERABLE", as you love to say. you have created this scene with your own hands, so you deal with it.

i wonder, how many girls have you told you loved them since you've gotten together with me? i suppose i'd find out if due time, if i wanted. maybe you'll even warrant a reaction far stronger if your numbers reach a quota. statistics count for facts, don't they? and the blame of acquiring consequences that follow, dear ex, you will only have yourself to be accountable to.

she was right, the only thing that hurts more knowing that you were taken for a ride, is knowing that the person you thought loved you sacrificed what he had with you for a THING so hideous, she could qualify for world record of being the biggest turnoff in the history of ever.

you broke up with me, over me asking friends out for beer. you on the other hand, cheated, was forgiven, did it repeatedly and got away with it because i closed both eyes, lied, cheated more, broke up with me, THEN victimized yourself.

HAVE YOU NO SHAME BRUDDA?

looking back, much as the break up hurt me, i'm glad the shenanigan is fucking over. fuck your lies, pretenses and whatever else. you can kiss my perky ass because i'm doing just fucking fine without you and your depraved sense of humor. go burn in hell because boy,

i'm so fucking DONE with pain.
i'm fucking done with YOU.

perverse pleasure.

met up with D AGAIN, this time for dinner and of course drinks (we never do dates without alcohol) out, next to indochine. the german men at the next table kept eye-groping us, and it was quite annoying. i joked about how they were probably wondering what a girl like me was doing with a man like D. HAHAHAHAA, I'M SORRY I COULDN'T HELP IT YOUR EXPRESSION WAS FUCKING PRICELESS.

eitherways, erdinger's beer is awesome and i love it. i am more manly than D, who has his whiskey coke. again. this man is about as unadventurous with drinks as a snail is with salt i tell you.

then went back to his place with the beautiful view and had- you guessed it, whiskey coke. well i did. he didn't feel like having anymore than he already did. then..

the dreaded PILLOWTALK.

to be honest, i saw this coming two days ago. if i knew it was going to be today he'd confess, then i would have been cruel and called to cancel and told him i was going out with someone else instead. but no, ignoring my womanly intuition, i went. and god how i regret it.

we started talking about FEELINGS. oh how i abhor the subject like the plague. he tells me he doesn't understand me, and that he wouldn't hurt me so he doesn't get why i'm afraid.

i don't see what's so hard to get, really. i simply do not want to be in a relationship. a person doesn't climb into a rollercoster seat after throwing up from just the ride before. that's just stupid, so why in hell would i do that to myself?

sigh.

THIS IS WHY I LOVE RUFFLES SO MUCH.

I just don't get why men have to be such girls sometimes and complicate things. it's sex, for fuck's sake. tsk.

i fucking hate lizards.

advise me on this.

my parents have finally decided after watching with a wary eye of my non-improvement at republic polytechnic for a year and a half, to pull me out. i'm dropping out of school.

fascinatingly enough, my parents have this grand idea that if they send me to temasek polytechnic, i will actually do better. even better, the only options open to me as a result of my poor grades, are Information Technology related. basically, what i am currently doing at RP.

i'm stuck with the obvious choice, IT or nothing at all.

like i told D, my heart isn't saying what my mind is, so i'm fucked, basically. please the parents and force myself to try to like it, or go out and work, save, then pay for my own education in something i do love.

help me bitches.

on another note, like the title suggests, I FUCKING HATE LIZARDS.

my dad just came into my room five minutes ago, and took advantage of my half-dead state for the benefit of his entertainment. it went like this.

dad: sarah pick up the dead lizard on the floor.
me: orh. (bends over to pick up the thing.)
dad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING. don't you want to get a tissue first?
me: huh? OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHH. DADDY YOU DO IT, DADDY YOU DO IT!
(looks at the grey gummy of a lizard in my fingers and drops it, and runs to the toilet to wash my hands and feet.)

it was pandemonium and chaos for a bit, and i was hysterically cursing my father for doing something this cruel. he knew that i wasn't awake and waited till i picked it up with my very own fingers, before he asked me what i was doing. he knew my state of mind. HE KNEW. for the record i am not stupid. i was partially deaf, mostly still asleep, and i wasn't wearing my glasses, meaning i was blind as well.

lizards and i do not fucking bode well, and you'd think that my father of 18 odd years would know that by now.

geesus.

i have yet to take a picture of the city lights from d's balcony. :( and lee, catching up with you last night was awesomez, really. take care of yourself aye?

MIKE I LOVE YOU LAH. hee hee, sexy bastard. :D

clothes off.

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transitions are meant to be just that.

yesterday was filled with a myriad of emotions i thought have already become stranger to me. sympathy, love, resentment, anger, pity, empathy, confusion, shame.

maybe because the sun was too strong, and the breeze ebbed away too soon. maybe because we all felt guilty, to an extent. maybe because the stress was too much.

to be honest, it didn't really matter what the reason was. it wouldn't have changed the fact that we were all feeling the heat and hate. it was suffocating, intoxicating. everyone was spent, everyone had a long day.

amidst the confusion, the noise, the confrontation and the mess, all of it, i noticed her tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. it scared me, that one day i may be just like her.

then i realized, no. i was already just like HIM. which was wayyyyyyyyy worse.

yes, concern, love and care all came into the equation during the yelling. but maybe one of the reasons why i was so, so angry, was because i knew that it was wrong to make people hurt like that.it was wrong of me to do it too. and i was angry.

truth be told, i'm a SELF-RIGHTEOUS BITCH, and i deserve no right to voice any opinion at fucking all.

i held her hand briefly, and walked with her for a bit. i wanted to touch her.. she looked so damned sad. it was like he just pulled the world from under her feet, and that it seemed like a bigger awakening than he had. ironic. and me, i witnessed beauty in that breakdown.

anyways, after the entire episode, i went about the rest of my day as planned originally. chilling at an apartment overlooking the sea and city lights is vair vair nice indeed, i have to say. you lucky bastard. i'll take a picture of what we saw. it was beauty as well, in a different, brash way. the landscape was amazing, truly, it was. i sang like a lunatic and it made damien as happy as a fly with shit to land on.

you're late.
i just came.
and?
and nothing. i'm just late.

BUT NOTHING.
FUCKING.
CHANGES.

people i really like.

STACY AND SHERI.

ELLYN.

BESTEST AND FEL.

SCANDAL.

MINAH-NEXT-DOOR.

JEN.

JOLYN.

JEAN.

MERVYN.

LIZZ.

PING.

i really, really do. they make my tiny universe perfect. well better than shit anyway.