shitwrecked.

guess this is it, really moving on. it's not all that crazy really. the show, as they say, must go on.

in regards to the title, was TOTALLY shitwrecked last night. met with loy boy and soulmate after for-fucking-ever at em studios. underground trance parties are the shit,

we're beautiful and dirty rich.

did you know?

my life is like drinking red bull.

it gives me wings, but when i get too high, the sun melts the wax that attaches me to the feathers. and i fall, a little too hard, too fast.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i was different. someone a little less obsessive, and a whole lot more loving. maybe things would change. maybe then i would see things in a different light and be a lot happier with who i would be. then again, i wouldn't be me.

this emotional roller coaster has been hell and i can't take it anymore. i'm determined to be cold, because then, i can step back from everything and take the breather i need. a break from my own life, and go on a holiday from being me.

i want this.
i want this.
i want this.

so why does it feel like i'm losing everything?

i watched you change.

i don't know what happened to us, but i must say that a part of me does miss the way we were. the other half of me is gravitating towards the fact that we'll never go back.

twenty one months.

none of that was a mistake, but don't look back love. maybe we just weren't meant to be.

i'm crying so hard i can hardly breathe, but you need to know. i'm sorry b. i'm so sorry.