youth is wasted on the young.

on road to recovery at the moment and im feeling slightly more bouyant of late.

tee and i had a nice chat last night and we talked some of our insecurities through. it struck me for the very first time that not everyone looks at some things the way i do.

"do you ever feel like you don't know what i'm thinking?"

of course i do. for example, i don't know what the hell was running through your mind when you told me about what happened with the big jay expected me not to be upset. even more so, i don't know what possessed you to tell me that i wasn't helping the situation and let you handle it. i don't suppose you figured how you could possibly have hurt my feelings.

so when you asked this question yesterday, and this ran through my mind before i answered, it somehow clicked that it really doesn't matter. like you didn't know you'd hurt me, i didn't know what you were thinking of when you said what you did.

i've decided it doesn't really matter if you don't know what gets processed under this skull of mine all the time and vice versa. what i really care about it how we work out after that. after all what is most important is that we are where we are, isn't it?

and that, my dear, is what i meant by what i said. :]

what is.

is seeing perfection in every flaw.

scratch that.

it's seeing someone without having to look.

on love and other things.

hello all it's been awhile.

so stopped working at humerstons, and am currently with pactum. business development manager. imagine that!

anyways, work has been hectic, so excuze moi. really, i've been having trouble finding time for anything else of late. everyone here is a dear though, which makes up for a lot.

on to other things, randall and i are no more, for those who've not been keeping up. but remorse and regret is the least of my worries right now and quite honestly the last thing on my mind. of course, i'm not belittling or discounting any part of the brief relationship we shared, but it will do no good, i realised, to border on the same subject day in and day out.

troubles other than the failed attempt at a relationship between two very different people have surfaced and these are very tangible and real. in all honesty, i can say for the first time in awhile, i'm afraid. shockingly, not of what the future may hold, but the present which threatens everything i have worked for.

(scandal if you are reading this, you know what i'm talking about.)

advice and chastising can wait for now. all i want is to work my balls off for the rewards i know are just around the bend. not to waste my time on the tragedy of my past, but to focus on what's beyond the horizon. i deserve this, i know.

either way, forgive me for however cold i may seem, but i need this. to cleanse my life of the debris clogging up my mind and emotions. i need this break, and i have since decided i will not let anyone stand in my way, including myself.

suddenly i need a beer. hahaa, apparently, my liver is the one part of me that's beyond repair anyway.

love to all, i'm about to catch my wave.