for to be wise, and love, exceeds a man's might.

last night, i couldn't sleep. thoughts filled my mind and it was just too overwhelming. i watched the sun come up as i had a puffed my way through the pack of cigarettes i just bought, pondering the great mysteries of life.

i say the words "great mysteries of life" out loud to no one, and then wonder if they are just great mysteries to me. i think about other people in the world who wonder about the same things i do and think about what could have happened in their lives to make them think the way they do. i wonder if they are as tired as i am, and if they have as many sleepless nights.

i wonder what they are doing with their lives.. if they have partners, and if they do, do they feel complete? i think of my existence and i think about how i have affected those around me. i imagine how i could have impacted their lives on varying levels, good and bad, and how many of them will still remember me in 20 years.

as i listen to the sounds of moog and erin renee, i wonder what went through their minds as they wrote their songs. i decide to google their lives when i have the time. i tell myself to think about things that make me happy. my mind goes blank for awhile, then i think of crayons and color pencils, silly putty, bacon, tree houses (always wanted one of those), a baby grand piano, a beach that goes on forever, and love. i stop. i decided i've done enough smoking for one night and head for bed. only i can't, so i decide to meditate, and let my soul have some rest.

today has me wondering if my heart is just not ready. it also has me fearing the possibility that it may never be. what i need is to find assurance that inner strength is more than what i have to offer people, and that i am already whole.

i suppose, for too long, i've let the world define me and my place in it. getting lost once in awhile is all very fine and well, but i'm tired of being a wanderer. this exhaustion is all consuming, and while satisfying at times, i can go no further. now, if only i had the discipline to live the way i want, and let the lure of unattainable destinations tempt me no more.

maybe, then, i could sleep.

following your joy.

so a few days ago i gave a random stranger in a cafe a note that said hakuna matata (well, put it on his table as i was walking out) because he looked sad, and today, the story has already come full circle. if you ask me now why i did what i did, it really was because this song was playing and it made me happy. i suppose i wanted to try and get someone else happy too.

while it's good to hear that something so simple could have made someone's day better, it just makes me wonder how scarce acts of kindness have to be for it to spread as quickly as this. it's not that people don't have it in them, surely. it really doesn't take much effort or time.. and even if it did, it really is worth it you know.

people really should be nicer to one another, methinks.

stone cold sober.

today, i feel everything. i am thoroughly exhausted by the strain of caring too much, too often, and i feel stretched out too thin. i am breaking apart and i feel dissatisfied, disappointed, disillusioned. i feel alone, ugly, incapable, useless, and unloved. i feel utterly empty. completely depleted.

as with all my relationships, the pressure of expectations never fails to bring anything good to it's knees. this is true of the relationship i have with myself. i have lost respect, and gained only scorn for what i can only say is a shadow of my former self. i realize today that after everything that has happened since the beginning of last year, i am devoid of hope. i do not think i deserve better anymore. i do not love me anymore, and today i realize this.

to whoever is out there reading this, it may sound like something out of a suicide letter, or something equally depressing that, i don't know, maybe secondhand serenade could be responsible for. excuse this uncharacteristic surge of sadness that envelops me today, because unlike the rest, i find no comfort in anything.

there is no intention to induce guilt, pity, or even concern here. this is not a cry for help, nor is it a plea for companionship in my misery (yes, misery.), only indulgence in allowing myself to mark this day so i will remember the way this feels for the rest of my life. i do not like this, and for the sake of never ever having to feel like this again, i will be better.

with every sob that inevitably makes me choke a little, i convince myself that i am letting go. i do not know if this is true, but i suppose in some small way it makes me feel better. i don't know where all this is coming from but it feels like taking a breath for the first time. feel i liberated, but i honestly don't know what from. maybe now i can move forward, even without knowing what i'm leaving behind. just one of those days, maybe.

today, i feel everything.

now you know you know it.

while i've pretty much been in my hole working my ass off, the world outside my little cave has been thriving on without me. what i've come to learn over the last few days is truly disturbing. kindly view exhibit a:

even to my some of you who may not be from singapore would see that this is obviously offensive. i note this and whole-heartedly agree. as some of you know, i am dating a member of the here targeted muslim/malay community. this does nothing to ease the irritation and discomfort with the remarks so off-handedly cast by miss cheong and miss tan.

of course, singaporeans everywhere are enraged that some fool would be so callous in a multi-racial society such as ours. again, i feel no different. how we dealt with this information, however, is a totally separate matter.

over the last two days, cheong has lost her job due to her insensitivity, and her company's eagerness to prove they aren't all bigots. BOTH tan and cheong alike have been flamed like crazy over the likes of facebook and twitter. (observation: more chinese people are sticking up for their malay compatriots than angry malay people demanding cheong and tan's heads.) up till now i've merely provided information, but the real question here is, how much of this anger is necessary?

to be honest, while the racial and religious aspect of our culture here is a sensitive one, people sometimes take it too far. while cheong and tan have obviously crossed a line here, it's a fact that we are all offensive at one point or another, be it a personal attack or a blanket judgement on a whole community.

take me, a 22 year old with a multi-racial social circle. i readily admit that i haze my friends about their race, among other things, from time to time (those that are comfortable enough in their own skin, of course. i'm not completely tactless.), much like they make fun of my chinky-ness. this does not mean that we discriminate, it's just a manifestation of our opinions projected in a sometimes offensive manner. while that is nothing to condone, it's not something to overreact about.

at this point, most of you are wondering if i think that being overtly expressive, ala cheong/tan, is okayy. the answer is, of course, no. but to be publicly persecuted as such, to the point of causing someone's loss of income, is a bit too much. some of you may argue that by posting such comments on such an accessible platform, they're asking for it. just a thought: no one asks to lose their job, or for a break up, or for their candy dropping on the floor. bad things happen, but some of them we happen to have control of.

what i am so trying so desperately to say is that, people, get real. there are always going to be idiots who are going to be opinionated. what i believe the solution to be is simple. just ignore them. these are obviously cries for attention, so why enhance their drab lives by giving it to them? our very hope in telling these morons off are that they will stop feeling this way. much like a parent tells a child to be an engineer rather than the next britney spears.

lesson:

a fool may be worthy of his namesake,

but he still deserves his dreams

and reserves his right to his opinions.

ahh well.

another way to look at it, i suppose, is that nothing more can be done. let's just hope they have the good sense not to reproduce. of course, seeing idiots are what they are, they probably don't know not to do that.

parting thought:

not the second after or before.

today is urban ears day at work.

breaking my week long silence with a post about somethings that i don't get in/about social media.

1.

#wtfisthis
#fuckyeah
#imsohungrynow

DOES THIS LOOK FAMILIAR?

now i understand hashtagging in twitter for actual words. does anyone actually know how this phenomenon came about? according to wiki, this form of identification in chatrooms, and then became a form of micro-posting/micro-blogging and emphasis. still, on facebook? has no one yet realized that facebook does not support hashtags as metadata?

gahh. and i thought i was slow.

2.

YOLO.

what the fuck does this even mean? is the statement not short enough for you lazy bastards? for those of you who are as clueless as i am, YOLO stands for "you only live once" and is now used by hipster wannabes as an excuse for doing very stupid things. you will see it's appearance in conversations along these lines.

"dude im so drunk typing in caps hurts my head.. drinks later though?"
"mother of god, john was just talking about getting a tattoo on his penis!"
"i know i've only known him for three weeks, but should we get married?"

and the reply to all these idiotic proclaimations would be

"WELL YOLO MUTHAFUCKA."

(this does not stop the facepalming and regret the following morning.)

3.

word-shortening to the point of causing major confusion. for example, what the hell is "feels"? as in:

"whoever from wherever is so hot and and and, oh my godddddddddddddd, the feelssssssssssss!"

???????????????

enough said.

sorry sheri, it was the best example i could think of hahaa.

4.

while i all but drool over the korean men, it is a fact they make horrendous dramas. in fondant garden, a taiwanese/korean hybrid that reduced me to tears only 92 times, i have to admit half of the 16-episode series are flashbacks. also, what is up with the roundabout storyline? i swear, every bloody korean drama is like turn-left-turn-fucking-right. (k-fans should know what i mean.)

other things that aggravate me:

• why are all then men so hot and all the girls so average looking?
• why are the girls too cute and all the men too perfect?
• why is it that all villains have redeeming factors so it's impossible to hate them?
• is it actually possible that a cake can be made from scratch in 15 minutes? if not, why are they made to order in this drama?
• what's with the koreans being dubbed over in mandarin and the taiwanese being dubbed over in korean? why? WHY?

sighhh feeling frustrated all of a sudden. korean drama hotties, why are you all too good to be true?

shall be all for today then.

nothing, today.

i know i know. it's about time i grow up.

BUT OHH, TAMAKI

<3333333

always buzzin.

gotta love the transition in the beginning. sighhhhhh.
MARRY ME MR MAYER.

by the way, is it just me or is "FML" seriously overused to the point of being fucking annoying?

whatevs. did not go to the office today and am slacking off at home like a boss. this, however, does not mean that i did fuck all today. here is my list:

- laundry and dishes. done.
- watched 3 movies in a row. (the illusionist, the descendents, ray.)
- thought about blogging about ray, which is a totally brilliant work of art based on the life of ray charles.
- did not blog about ray.
- thought of going for a run. thought.
- went for dinner at bedok with the boyfr.
- hung out at some random pavilion like a construction worker.
- came home.

also, what's with fucking 12 year old girls going clubbing half naked these days? does this bear any relation to ongoing inflation? random thought.

rakin' in the chips.

it's been awhile. i've decided today that i shall be disciplined and blog everyday. even if it's a short one. here goes.

woke up to pee in the early morning, then went back to bed. had a coughing fit and couldn't sleep. tossed and turned and finally managed to drift off to dreamland, only to be jerked awake 15 minutes later. god really does have no sense of humor.

got to work for a god-awful meeting with a god-awful woman. i rapped out loud during the meeting because eminem came on the radio. i did not know that i had done so until i saw the mortification on my bosses face.

the day needed some spicing up anyway.

ohh and this has been stuck in my head:



live long and prosper!

for the love of nancy.

yeah and if everyone boycotts mega stores and/or supermarkets, how many will go hungry again?

get real. it's not a cause, it's just life.

slowly, seeping from the bone.

the blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. the mean reds are horrible. suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. do you ever get that feeling?

- holly golightly

(breakfast at tiffany's)

had a fight with my mom today, which is never ideal. i suppose today is just one of those days. drab, flat. nothing sits right, my hair is annoying the living hell out of me, and i feel like gross-sobbing for no reason at all.
 
there are, however several things that make me feel better. coffee & cigarettes, soundtracks from the musical CHICAGO, and probably most surprising or all, stacy's blog.

while i'm usually never in the mood to feel inferior in terms of writing flair, the comfort her words give me is immeasurable. on days such as these, i sometimes think her mind is really the best place to be. it's almost like escaping into another personality, running away from here; wherever here is.

(PART OF) TODAY'S PLAYLIST:

tegan and sara - love type thing

kings of leon - pyro

cary brothers - blue eyes

the white stripes - walking with a ghost

bon iver - skinny love

feist - moon my man

coldplay - a hopeful transmission

john mayer - neon

temper trap - resurrection

M83 - we own the sky

junkie xl - broken

to healing, maybe.

if this bottle could talk.

a week or so ago, i cleared all outstanding friend requests on my facebook account. what prompted me to do so, i really cannot say. apart from the annoying prompts i do not know how to turn off, i suppose boredom was a contributing factor. anyways, since then i have deeply regretted this moment of stupidity, as my newsfeed is now a sea of people announcing their lunch times, their period pains and other mundane things that to the world. (and people ask me why i drink.)

perhaps i am the only one who feels this way, but i highly believe this to be close to impossible. honestly, i cannot imagine -


- how someone else wouldn't know it's thursday
- why someone would care if you got out of bed from the right or left side
- why you eating pringles for lunch would be cause of interest
- you saying you're pissed and providing no further information is expected to garner replies of sympathy

for the love of god, what has become of us? is it possible that with all the advancements made in the last 2 centuries, humanity has devolved?

in all seriousness, i do admit that the freedom of speech promoted nowadays on easily-accessed platforms has prompted the majority of retards that exist among us to step forward and take advantage of it. however, should there not be some form of filtration programmed, especially into social network forums? for example, how google search corrects your spelling with a self righteous "did you mean...?", i am quite serious about inculcating that practice with every site that is promoting friendship with strangers. after all, it is an all-for-one scenario.

in short, the betterment of people everywhere is at stake here, the main concern being influence. as we all know, 10 year olds are as technologically savvy as any 35 year old picked off the street. wouldn't it be nice if the next generation of successors weren't as exposed to stupidity as they are now? the amount of garbage online, on tv, in the papers and on the streets are quite enough to reduce a perfectly normal three year old's IQ to a single digit score.

i have long accepted that rome wasn't built in a day, and there is no way all forms of inane bullshit will be kept out of our everyday lives. i am merely hoping that somewhere, someone influential will get to this very in-your-face blogpost and wake the fuck up. i don't know if right now, i'm blogging to make a change. what i do know is that, should the mental capabilities of my fellow singaporeans continue to deteriorate in the next five years, i'm moving to mars, if necessary. (of course, assuming that maybe 50 or so people retain a high enough IQ to discover if it's possible.)

this house.

warmth, do you too choose
to elude me?
perhaps, in my delusion
that one should never
fear loneliness
i am alone.

in that case, i am incensed
by your outright mockery.
do you not know what this does to me?

tonight, like every other
i stayed up awaiting your return
and as always,
amongst lit candles, in high heels and perfume,
i remembered that you never once disappointed in keeping away.

no more of this, please
i choose to rid myself of this want.
maybe in solitude,
i'd find myself much safer
wrapped in the certainty of it's presence.

and this makes 70.

so today started out with a conversation with ZKF over the phone at 11 30. due to me still all a-slumber, the memory of exactly what transpired during the length of the short exchange is somewhat blurred. fret not, as i later recalled that the dear boy had called to make plans for the day and to town it was.

(excuse the ah lian-ness of it all, but photos or it didn't happen, right?)

we met at tampines then headed off to town in search of shirts, pants and shoes. of course, because we are what we are (easily distracted), a major detour was caused by: a short gaming session, 5 dollar cups of fries, 400 grams of famous amos cookies, a bottled whiskey soda, and a hilarious discussion about the color of garbage bags. by the time the knights assembled, boy and i decided we had better get the show on the road and get started with our treasure hunt. hence, the departure, and the marathon began.

yes. marathon. i shit you not. we were hunting a grand total of 2 bloody hours before the first goddamn purchase. everyone who knows me is aware of the fact that i, sarah tan xin yi, hate shopping with a vengeance. however, today was exceptional and i am not one to refrain from making allowances.

hours of walking around, holding hands and sneaking kisses were the focal point of our hike and to be completely honest, i really enjoyed it. from cineleisure, we journeyed to somerset 313, to paragon, to ion and finally wound up at far east for the highlight of the day.

in total relevence to the title of this post, i hereby announce that i have just repierced my tongue. according to melvin, the gentleman who did the deed, i should avoid oral sex, french kissing and seafood for a month.

(unglam, but proves the stud is where it should be.)

WHAT? NO SEAFOOD?
sweet jesus mother of nancy.

concluded the day with dinner at 9 pm, had soup (resulting in current fits of uncontrollable HUNGER) because the tongue was, and is, for some reason swollen and hurting like a camel just stepped on it. i say this because there was hardly any pain the first three times, so the discomfort is pretty new.

ohh well.

to summarize, the day has been nothing short of spectacular. a great way to spend the off day and like i've been reassuring you readers in my previous posts, i really have never been happier.

(just because we're the cutest couple.)

to zee:

thank you for everything, and i hope you know the impact you have on me. like i've said before, as far as feelings go, nothing matters, save for the love we share now. cheesy as it is, i really do mean every word of it when i say you're zymazing and i can't imagine my life without you anymore. regardless of the idiotic things i say or do on occasion, which are completely unintentional, i hope you know that all that i really care about is you and how i can make you happy. forgive me for being the little stupid i am, and let's make this work.

ps: i'm really glad i could change your mind zymmie. xxx

pull your little arrows out.

according, to AARON TAN, one of the youtube "sensations" to grace our beloved international video sharing platform, i am very very pretty. not that i disagree, mind you, but the stroking of the my picture on his screen is tres disturbing. needless to say, the boyfr is not amused, feels rather disgusted, and is making death threats under his breath over the phone. (all in jest of course, fret not!)

assuming you want to know what all the hooplah is about, you are, of course, provided the option of fast-forwarding to the 9th minute if you, like me, cannot stand his nonsensical rantings in no particular language at all. (ask on the tagboard should you require translations.) i have to add that this is purely coincidental and was through no fault of mine. i do not know this guy at all, and quite frankly, have no intention of ever having the pleasure of declining his extension of friendship. hopefully the boy leaves me well alone.

at this juncture i have no idea whether to feel greatly flattered or just plain mortified. like the sister suggests though, shall just "take a ride on the fame train". wonder how long THIS will last then.

stay tuned for updates, as always. should the lord be kind, perhaps you folks will have the privilege of viewing my virgin video post!

every door i tried, was locked.

so, it's back to work on the 2nd of january. what with it being just a bit before christmas, it seems so far away. unfortunately i know from experience it's gonna close in sooner or later.

quick reflection of 2011, as it has been so far:

on the job front, three different fucked up jobs, three different fucked up employers, enough said.
on relationships, a sad ending, a beautiful beginning, a hasty departure, a bitter heartbreak, leaving a very confused girl. jaded, and unlike the last time the word has been used in this blog, i swear i'm on the verge of giving up.
on other things, a near complete waste of what could have otherwise been a productive year. sadly, what with the afore mentioned that i had to work with, it left too little of me to do much else.

although this has obviously proved to have been a turd of a year, the french is coming along nicely. i have now attained the fluency equivalent to that of a french toddler. which is still something, isn't it.

well, so ONE good thing. something to be thankful for after all i suppose.

sarah, clara and camels.

and insanity strikes again!

tuesday saw me being reminded that sometimes i forget my place. even though good intentions may exist, it doesn't necessarily guarantee the results hoped for. i may very well have pissed off a good friend of mine, but i suppose that when we have been hanging out together this long, a spat here and there is inevitable. of course, this means a cool down period is in the pipelines. le sigh, no chips for awhile then. i suppose i could live with that.

another thing, most of my friends would know by now that i have only just recently sworn off men, and have no intention of revoking that any time soon. however, as always, circumstances just are and ohh well, i may very well be on my way to falling flat on my face again.

l'amore, l'amore. you know, just for once though, i don't want to get together with someone just to have them break my heart again. then again, it's impossible to predict where this will lead me and for all i know.. MAYBE, i'll be happy for longer than a few months.

officially addicted, then.

on to other things, shall be attempting so fix the bloody blinds on my window. i've had it with the stupid translucent panels. it's driving me crazy. also, shall be putting up cork boards in room. desired result is not compulsory, because anything would be better than this hahaa.

apologies for going all over the place with this. i suppose it's a reflection of my current state of mind.

till the next update, x!

happy because.

been working on expanding my media library of late, revisiting a lot of oldies, classics, even show tunes from long ago. unearthed a whole collection that i am ashamed to admit was forgotten along with the carefree days of youth.

some of you who keep up with my shenanigans via facebook updates should have heard of my new resolution. if you haven't yet been informed, i intend to learn how to converse in basic french by the end of this year. call it what you will, but i personally believe this is a half baked, last ditch attempt to accomplish SOMETHING this year.

everyone has been going on and on about how it is december and my facebook notification inbox has been flooded by asinine comments with regards to such. to be honest, i already know what month it is, thanks very much. all it has done so far is rub in my face how abysmal this year has been and that's just bloody depressing.

enough of this pointless moping. why french you ask? well because when i think about the french and their beautiful language, i think of things like:

• romance
• culture
• fashion
• love
• freedom
• food
• art
• music
• love
• love

if these ten reasons aren't enough to convince you that this it possibly one of the most gorgeous languages in the world, i don't know what will.

on to other things, like the list. ahh yes the dreaded list.

• to get a JOB.
• to sort out self. (somewhat, anyway.)
  
• clean desk.
• re-colour-code wardrobe.
• get down to putting up corkboards in room.
• install bloody blinds on window looking out into living room.
  
• to slow down on the alcohol intake.
• ditto for the cigarettes.
  
• to finish my book.
• to finish reading everything in my house twice.
  
• to stop checking emails every 15 minutes.
• quit the facebook addiction.
• quit stalking kim hyun joong (the one and only korean sex god.) online.
• quit stalking ANYONE online.
• watch scarface.
• and all my favourite classics.
• revisit old blog and fish out sexy lines, if any.
  
• getting over tee.

am currently working on the cork boards. all that remains is actually putting them up and buying more thumbtacks and/or pins. also am thinking of putting up favorite photos up in room and therefore am needing some photo frames as well. mon dieu, so much to do and so little time. (as you can see, i am already getting a head start on the french!)

which reminds me, about time to start reorganizing my desk. i have got a calendar that's two years old on it, and for the life of me, i have no idea why.

more later, my darling ardent fans.

didn't know they broke up,

but this should be worth watching!

(click that, kuttus.)

houston, we have a problem.

i love reading aunt agony letters, because i adore pretending to be an expert advice giver. though i never made a profession of revealing the core of their problems and telling them where to put it, many of my friends will tell you i dispense the greatest advice ever in the history of great advice.

here's one that i came across on the net. i felt a need to add on my two cents worth so.

yahoo! news, abigail van buren, tuesday - november 15th 2011

(someone who is harried and has cancer:)
DEAR ABBY:

I have been battling breast cancer and have been blessed to have a lot of support from family, friends and some awesome medical providers. My husband's best friend and his wife socialize with us quite often, and the friendship is important to him. I recently celebrated a birthday and these friends had us over for a belated birthday dinner. They bought me beautiful flowers and a gift. The card attached made a joke about my "aging breasts," which she found quite funny.

Abby, I had a mastectomy, which she knew about! To make matters worse, my hair has just started to grow back from the chemo, so I decided to have some highlights put in, and she told me she didn't like my new hair.

I am hurt and dumbfounded by her insensitive behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time she has said things like this. How do I tell her I'm offended by her rudeness without compromising my husband's friendship with them? -- HARRIED FRIEND

(what abby said in response:)
DEAR HARRIED FRIEND:

You nailed it. The woman is insensitive -- but you said she has also made tasteless comments in the past. For the sake of the friendship between your husbands, tune her out and spend less time with her one-on-one. It's OK to tell her that her joke about your "aging breasts" hurt your feelings in light of your mastectomy, and that as your hair is growing back you thought you'd like to try something "different." However, if you use the word "offended" she'll probably become defensive, so avoid that word.

A final thought: Most people are terrified of cancer. People sometimes try to make jokes about things that make them uncomfortable in an effort to diffuse those feelings. This may be the reason the woman tried to joke about it, so don't let it cause you to carry a grudge.

(what i would have said:)
DEAR HARRIED PERSON:

this may come off as harsh, but woman, grow a pair. or a spine. bitch gotta recognize, man!

first off, she must think she's hilarious, so use humor as your weapon. for example, in retaliation to her knee-slapping aging breasts joke, you could say "well i had a mastectomy, what's your excuse?". in my opinion, such a response is not only witty, but also warranted. about what she said with regards to your 'do, your hair is your business and she shouldn't be in it. tell her so and don't be afraid of offending her. she certainly didn't care whether or not she did you. should her husband, or yours for that matter, have anything to say about it, you may feel free to smack them around a little then throw their sorry, soggy asses out on the street.

my dear lady, you had breast cancer. you're defo better than this woman and there is no reason for letting her push you around. you have a loving network of friends and family who have watched you survive chemo, so how would they feel if they saw you cheat death only so you could be this bitch's doormat? the way i see it, giving her a taste of her own bloody medicine is not just standing up for yourself. it is also giving credit to the people who care about you, and ultimately, for her own good as well.

abby thinks that most people are terrified of cancer. i'd say that's horseshit. EVERYONE, is terrified of cancer, and rightfully so. you have a lot of inner strength overcoming that hurdle love, and if this friend of yours can't respect that, she can jolly well FUCK OFF.

AND THERE'S PROOF.

hot lips back in town.

what with all this mama hoo-ha going on, just thought id share some insight on the topic myself.

saw scandal's status on facebook today and she was going on about how she didn't know what was going on. normally, i would be none the wiser either, but thanks to this invention they call the television, i DO know.

also, this is a direct result of my celebrity-crush on the korean sex-god, kim hyun joong (which i am proud to say, i've stopped stalking). which brings me to the next comment i observed from my high throne.

"Kim Hyun Joong? He didn't went under the knife? He's my idol! ^.^"

don't like that one bit. first things first, your punctuation sucks donkey balls. second, you wouldn't know grammar if it were brought to you in a bucket. and third, if he were your idol, you'd know that he did go under the knife, but only to fix his nose which got hurt in an accident. i also know that he went skinny dipping in bali, that he's pretty much insane, that he's 181 cm tall, and looks like he'd have some mad skillz in bed, but that's besides the point.

anyway, what im trying to say is this, tying in with what i've said on the previous post but now to members of both genders, don't say something stupid on a public forum.. please. there will always be people like me who are lurking and laughing at your grammatical errors, lousy vocabulary and general stupidity.

on another note, tagboard's up. if you have nothing nice to say, by all means say it anyway and i'll try not to reply you. old friends, new and the people i've never met in my life, feel free to leave your mark. comments and criticisms are welcome and you can expect that i'll take them the best way you probably never intended.

love to all!