the wreck of 86'.

haven't been blogging of late (just a mild exaggeration!), but not sure if anyone's has missed me anyway. as usual, while a major emotional slump was the trigger for this sabbatical, the catalysts still have not been addressed, though identified. though i suppose in someways, that's half the battle already won.

thankfully, i have not been drowning in depression all this time. thanks to SCANDAL, my writing, music and a certain someone i've met and since (somewhat) let go of, the days have been getting a little better and i'm taking things one week at a time. while the agony that hits hardest in the morning slowly gets a little more bearable with each sunrise, i find now that what i've been though in the last 6 months of my life has not been in vain. i am stronger, better and less vulnerable, because i now choose to be.

in other news, another reason why i won't go into detail with regards to what i've been doing the past half year is because a lot of it is in the book i've been working on. this project that has been set in motion since may is well on it's way to completion, and i have to say that i am quite pleased with the product. however, i do need more feedback and am looking for a few readers to which i will release just the first mini chapter. if anyone i know out there is interested and is willing to spare a few minutes, please let me know!

p.s.: i went to youtube to get the embed for the video and realized glee did a cover of this song. it was bloody terrible. why are people still watching this crap?

a truly unhealthy obsession.

happy raya celebrations everyone!

to all my muslim friends, please be on the look out for greedy little buggers going into random houses to collect money. they usually operate in groups, i am told.

hahaa told you i'd blog about this! (you know who you are ;])

on another note, have decided to abstain from alcohol the best i can. giving up an addiction is always painful, but i, genius that i am, have decided to simply replace it with something else.

namely:

DAFUQ?

he's prettier than i am! (and that's saying something.)

sighh.

nothing, today.

i know i know. it's about time i grow up.

BUT OHH, TAMAKI

<3333333

slowly, seeping from the bone.

the blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. the mean reds are horrible. suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. do you ever get that feeling?

- holly golightly

(breakfast at tiffany's)

had a fight with my mom today, which is never ideal. i suppose today is just one of those days. drab, flat. nothing sits right, my hair is annoying the living hell out of me, and i feel like gross-sobbing for no reason at all.
 
there are, however several things that make me feel better. coffee & cigarettes, soundtracks from the musical CHICAGO, and probably most surprising or all, stacy's blog.

while i'm usually never in the mood to feel inferior in terms of writing flair, the comfort her words give me is immeasurable. on days such as these, i sometimes think her mind is really the best place to be. it's almost like escaping into another personality, running away from here; wherever here is.

(PART OF) TODAY'S PLAYLIST:

tegan and sara - love type thing

kings of leon - pyro

cary brothers - blue eyes

the white stripes - walking with a ghost

bon iver - skinny love

feist - moon my man

coldplay - a hopeful transmission

john mayer - neon

temper trap - resurrection

M83 - we own the sky

junkie xl - broken

to healing, maybe.

and this makes 70.

so today started out with a conversation with ZKF over the phone at 11 30. due to me still all a-slumber, the memory of exactly what transpired during the length of the short exchange is somewhat blurred. fret not, as i later recalled that the dear boy had called to make plans for the day and to town it was.

(excuse the ah lian-ness of it all, but photos or it didn't happen, right?)

we met at tampines then headed off to town in search of shirts, pants and shoes. of course, because we are what we are (easily distracted), a major detour was caused by: a short gaming session, 5 dollar cups of fries, 400 grams of famous amos cookies, a bottled whiskey soda, and a hilarious discussion about the color of garbage bags. by the time the knights assembled, boy and i decided we had better get the show on the road and get started with our treasure hunt. hence, the departure, and the marathon began.

yes. marathon. i shit you not. we were hunting a grand total of 2 bloody hours before the first goddamn purchase. everyone who knows me is aware of the fact that i, sarah tan xin yi, hate shopping with a vengeance. however, today was exceptional and i am not one to refrain from making allowances.

hours of walking around, holding hands and sneaking kisses were the focal point of our hike and to be completely honest, i really enjoyed it. from cineleisure, we journeyed to somerset 313, to paragon, to ion and finally wound up at far east for the highlight of the day.

in total relevence to the title of this post, i hereby announce that i have just repierced my tongue. according to melvin, the gentleman who did the deed, i should avoid oral sex, french kissing and seafood for a month.

(unglam, but proves the stud is where it should be.)

WHAT? NO SEAFOOD?
sweet jesus mother of nancy.

concluded the day with dinner at 9 pm, had soup (resulting in current fits of uncontrollable HUNGER) because the tongue was, and is, for some reason swollen and hurting like a camel just stepped on it. i say this because there was hardly any pain the first three times, so the discomfort is pretty new.

ohh well.

to summarize, the day has been nothing short of spectacular. a great way to spend the off day and like i've been reassuring you readers in my previous posts, i really have never been happier.

(just because we're the cutest couple.)

to zee:

thank you for everything, and i hope you know the impact you have on me. like i've said before, as far as feelings go, nothing matters, save for the love we share now. cheesy as it is, i really do mean every word of it when i say you're zymazing and i can't imagine my life without you anymore. regardless of the idiotic things i say or do on occasion, which are completely unintentional, i hope you know that all that i really care about is you and how i can make you happy. forgive me for being the little stupid i am, and let's make this work.

ps: i'm really glad i could change your mind zymmie. xxx

from TMR.

blogging from work now. just to announce that im officially exhausted to the point of passing away. and i'm not even doing anything. whoever knew teaching kids to sing would be so tiring?

still, much as it sucks the energy out of me, i'm reminded how rewarding it is as well. i have missed this :D

shoutout to all my new colleagues! FIG, MIGGER, and all the rest. <3 thanks to you guys, i am having the time of my life.

girl from ipanema.

so im sitting at starbucks, fresh out of work, again. (please don't tell my parents. hahaa.)

the trip to malaysia turned out great, though the ride there was ball busting. (thanks a lot roy.) lots of foozeball, lots of alcohol, lots of dipping and sandy balls.

unfortunately, no pictures. :(

but enough about me, what has everyone been up to? the usual work and alcoholism?

i suppose with turning 21, i should now feel the need to lead the eexpected harried, hurried and haggard life of the average singaporean. but i really don't. so much for reaponsibility that comes with age.

the truth is that i really don't feel all that different. if anything, i miss the devil-may-care attitude youth inspired more than ever. how awesome would it be to be paid to do nothing?

which reminds me..

need to get another job. need to get another job. need to get another job.

vent vent vent.

hence marks my official entrance into the ranks of music instructors. and guess what i'm teaching!

(oh stacy help me, i wish i were you.) the ukulele!

unfuckingbelievable. why this, why me? two schools to teach on my off day is not good for me, to say the least. first classes start the ungodly hour of 9 10. how in the world i'm going to survive a class full of demons when i'm only half conscious is beyond me.

on to other things. facebook is being a total bitch and my ability post random comments and other jizz like that is somewhat impared because of the missing 'enter comment' button. am so bored it isn't even funny. i miss being annoying on facebook.

sigh.

what a way to start the day. on top of 50 hour weeks, i come into the office and am told that my single off day is reduced to half it's span cos i have to teach in the morning. to top it all off, poor boyfriend is sick and i've been depriving him of sleep the last few nights because of my horrendous teeth-grinding. (sorry b!)

as they keep saying to me: welcome to the eighth note, sarah.

D:

show me the money!

whoever knew being a recep was so hard? fun work but challenging as hell. i swear to god the parents really drive me nuts though.

today marks day 7. next off day is wednesday and i'm so tired i can almost taste the break already. :(

mind over matter.

last few weeks have been especially tiring for some reason, and i've lost the motivation to keep myself updated on this online journal.

anyhow, i was thinking that day about a lot of shit that's happened recently and before i knew it, i caught myself thinking somewhere along the lines of "why me.". it's been a long time since i've felt this insecure about my standing in society, and despite everything, i really see no reason to start doubting myself again.

so here, if no where else, i am assuring myself again. i will not be intimidated by what people say, do or think, i will not be affected. i will not change myself unwillingly for something that i might not want in the first place. i will be who i am because that's the only person i'm supposed to be.

maybe this time.

did you know?

my life is like drinking red bull.

it gives me wings, but when i get too high, the sun melts the wax that attaches me to the feathers. and i fall, a little too hard, too fast.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i was different. someone a little less obsessive, and a whole lot more loving. maybe things would change. maybe then i would see things in a different light and be a lot happier with who i would be. then again, i wouldn't be me.

this emotional roller coaster has been hell and i can't take it anymore. i'm determined to be cold, because then, i can step back from everything and take the breather i need. a break from my own life, and go on a holiday from being me.

i want this.
i want this.
i want this.

so why does it feel like i'm losing everything?