he could never be as good as you.

there are songs that will haunt you for the rest of your life. songs that you wish you never heard because the context in which you heard them is too painful.

this. this is my song.

tiny thoughts.

i wonder how many of us feel the same way.

when it's time to let you go.

today finds me feeling ill, dejected and discouraged. as always, the promise that the day can only get better is the only thing holding me together.

i've been working on my writing relentlessly, and i find that i don't feel the same magic reading the words that i felt writing them. i wonder if this is true for all writers, if they know the pain of finding something wrong or missing, but not knowing how to fix it.

i desperately need proof readers.

in other news, i've also been spending last week getting over the disappointments of the one before. not quite there yet, but i now know there's nothing for it but to keep pushing on. after all, everything's survivable (except that last thing) is it not? i keep telling myself that i will be better for this.

just hope i'm right i guess.

the wreck of 86'.

haven't been blogging of late (just a mild exaggeration!), but not sure if anyone's has missed me anyway. as usual, while a major emotional slump was the trigger for this sabbatical, the catalysts still have not been addressed, though identified. though i suppose in someways, that's half the battle already won.

thankfully, i have not been drowning in depression all this time. thanks to SCANDAL, my writing, music and a certain someone i've met and since (somewhat) let go of, the days have been getting a little better and i'm taking things one week at a time. while the agony that hits hardest in the morning slowly gets a little more bearable with each sunrise, i find now that what i've been though in the last 6 months of my life has not been in vain. i am stronger, better and less vulnerable, because i now choose to be.

in other news, another reason why i won't go into detail with regards to what i've been doing the past half year is because a lot of it is in the book i've been working on. this project that has been set in motion since may is well on it's way to completion, and i have to say that i am quite pleased with the product. however, i do need more feedback and am looking for a few readers to which i will release just the first mini chapter. if anyone i know out there is interested and is willing to spare a few minutes, please let me know!

p.s.: i went to youtube to get the embed for the video and realized glee did a cover of this song. it was bloody terrible. why are people still watching this crap?

i promise.

life is exhausting. it stresses me out on a daily basis and i feel the burden of every passing moment accumulating with each step. i suppose that i just need to take a step back and tell myself everything is going to be okayy sometimes.

i'd rather be tired than dead i suppose.

i could use another cigarette.

it is possibly in the dreaded heat of the afternoon that i find the most solace.

and i, don't know how to slow it down.

just to fill the spaces when the day seems as wasted as my heart.

nebraska jones.

today finds me feeling rather mellow, slightly morose, with a tendency to over-dramatize things. for some reason, perhaps the restlessness of the week peaking, i got to thinking about how some things are so out of my control. i'm sure we've all been there.

what, then, is the definition of living? people cross the roads with caution, the same caution that they believe is the protective bubble that keeps them from bad things ever happening to them. does that mean we are all, in some tiny way, trying to play god? trying to control our teeny universes from imploding seems like a full time job. more so, it crushes the urge to experiment. ahh, the illusion of safety. personally, i question how much more of this mundane existence i can take.

not to say that i haven't stirred my fair share of shit in my teens. but what does that even mean? that because i've had fun in the past, i'm too old for it now? putting it out there like that makes it sound ludicrous i know, but isn't that basically maturity we take at face value?

maybe it would be healthy to discard the belief that the mistakes of our youth sometimes follow us throughout life. maybe that will somehow compensate for the emptiness that come with age because if nothing else, we've memories. maybe.

here's an idea. why shouldn't i be as wild as i bloody want? reason has got nothing to do with the fact that everyone needs an outlet every once in a while.

because every once in awhile it feels good to forget inhibitions and just get lost in life.

the phantom deconstructed.

all because beauty is an unhealthy obsession of mine.

epic or what??? finally, one doesn't simply violin into mordor.

yes i did. more later.

cos everybody digs a swingin' cat.

so here's the original version of one of my favorite musical numbers of all time,

EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT

you know it's true. anyways, pick your favorite!

like how sexy is that? or maybe you'd prefer a lean, mean man-child, with a mesmerizing voice, and wild hair.

haa. maybe an acapella quintet would be more suited to your taste?

or maybe a version sung by four of the same man?

not bad aye. but here's my personal fave! presenting the brian setzer orchestra!

whoever sang this, i wouldn't mind having your babies. meow!
(edit: i just read this, and obviously, this is brian setzer.)

the poor are getting poorer.

something about this song just really turns me on.

doubts today.

"there is the fear factor..

the fear that i will never be satisfied

with anything i achieve

because if i achieved it,

it can't be that difficult to achieve.

the fear that i will never reach

what i believe is my full potential

because i am disillusioned about the potential

of my full potential..

i fear that my karmic lesson in this lifetime

is humility.

i fear that lesson is beneath me.

i fear the future."

in the eternal words of sam harris' jest, lie the truth of today's society. so thought of the day is this: how long is fear going to cripple life? fear holds us back. fear is doubt, and doubt is death. the skies really are as blue wherever we are at whatever point in our life as that somewhere over the rainbow.

dare to dream. live long and prosper babies.

credit my weak heart.

inspiration of the day is the lovely amy winehouse. another star who has gone, but sure as hell not forgotten.

to me music has not only been something i can appreciate, nor just a solace, but closer to religion. the love for it has always been so pure and single minded, and most importantly, unconditional. honestly, how many people can you say you feel the same about?

when i was younger, i made poor attempts at poetry and music and discovered that i am absolutely terrible at it. still, it never fails to cheer me up when i look at the sloppy compilation and think to myself "what a crock of shit.". on hindsight, i am surprised that that alone didn't deter me from taking opportunities to learn from, listen to and grow with music.

with that-

we were evergreen - penguins and moonboots

amy winehouse - valerie

tony bennett & lady gaga - that lady is a tramp

the clash - london calling

tegan & sara - light up

just jack - starz in their eyes

r.e.m. - losing my religion

babyshambles - delivery

take that - patience

clara c - fish

the lesson of raymond k hessel.

"full of life" is an expression we often hear.

today it struck me, as it sometimes does, how words have lost their meaning.

for example, the aforementioned phrase is most often thrown around in the face of death. the worst part of it is, you hear it from people who have the least connection to the deceased as well as the most. i do not understand this. how is it that every one the person came in contact with, however briefly, all came to the cohesive conclusion that he/she was "full of life"? also, why wait till his/her death to appreciate her full-of-lifeness?

still, i suppose.. when i die, i want to go knowing i've lived excessively. (though what that constitutes, is entirely another matter.)

i guess sometimes a person's presence just isn't as important till their absence.

brilliant movie by the way.

HAHAHAA.

found this on facebook. music lovers, enjoy!

 

 

'C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.'

let me.

seriously. can't stop.

i can't control.

this has got to be the most boring day in the office so far.the intern's term officially ended last week and so now whenever i'm in the office, i'm all by my lonesome. ohh well.

would love to blog about something profound but am out of ideas for the day.

chips and coke for lunch!

surely someone else must have noticed!

where the fuck..

ARE HER EYEBROWS???

she loved to watch the sun go down.

haven't been posting with pictures or videos because i have been too lazy to do so from the iPad.

on the playlist today:

bryan adams - please forgive me

bon jovi - always

ronan keating - when you say nothing at all

guns n roses - november rain

richard marx - hazard

sting and the police - every breath you take

aerosmith - i don't wanna miss a thing

toto - georgy porgy

booked tickets to BRAVE tomorrow. now hate the online booking system for shaw with a vengence. also, why are movie tickets in singapore so ridiculously expensive? seeing how the government wants to keep kids off cigarettes and alcohol, should they not be making other recreational activities cheaper? this only makes sense to me, apparently.

anyways. shame the boyfriend can't join us, but in general, can't wait!

i know. i know.

what with all the k-pop hype with the freshest wave by psy, i revisited my guilty pleasure.

it really irritates me how their legs go on forever, and they look so good in those stupid tiny shorts. it irritates me even more that i know i'll never look like that in a million years. also it grates my nerves that knowing full well that envy is the my worst enemy, i nit pick and find little flaws. but most of all i absolutely hate how i cannot stop watching them because they're SO FREAKING CUTE.

you may laugh.