hello everyone. there's been a lot going in my life, things that are mine to talk about, and things that aren't. the way the past few months have been going on, coupled with what i've witnessed in people and circumstance, i think i've changed.
of late, my heart feels full. it feels about ready to burst. i know it's not normal to suddenly feel like bursting into tears in the middle of the day because i suddenly realize that i'm alone somewhere and that there's no one to witness my embarrassment, but i do it anyway. after that i feel as alone as i always do, but there are no more tears, and i'm stuck; there's no lubricant for my emotional constipation.
this is raw emotion. this is me.
i am afraid of my cowardice to chase what i know i can achieve, for i fear that my ambition overreaches my abilities. i'm disgusted with my facade of being self-assured, for i feel i have nothing t draw this confidence from. i feel empty, because i know i have so much that i simply cannot appreciate. i feel inexplicably drained, even when i know i have much to look forward to, much to live for, and much to give.
i have no faith in the intangible, which is unfortunate, seeing that there really isn't much i can see that's of much encouragement at the moment. perhaps, a step back is in order.
i miss life.
