i regret nothing.

hello everyone just stopping by to let everyone know i'm still alive and well. haven't been writing here as the last two weeks have been busy with my moving out of the house and getting my life sorted. of course, apart from all that's been going on, there is always a life lesson that comes as a side dish.

i suppose the worst part of this disaster is dealing with the rude shock that your friends aren't necessarily going to be there for you when you need them. the ones who are, though, are few but infinitely more value-adding than all those who are not put together.

to my friends, eva, blairkins, stuart, stew, krys, han, mohawk, mitchers, and basically anyone who bothered to hang out, call or just ask if i was doing okayy, thank you. i needed the comfort of friendship just so i didn't feel alone, and you guys didn't disappoint.

SO MUCH LOVE FOR ALL OF YOU.

happy, together.

just being friends and hanging out.

today was one of the better ones this week. spent the first half of the day working and being nine kinds of productive then went to watch the croods with K. i had a nice time.

K, in case any of you are wondering, is someone i've known pretty much since birth, our families being long time friends. we used to go to church together and we never got along. his sister happened to spot me at a club last year and K was with her. just like that, we reconnected through a chance encounter. now a year later, we're getting progressively closer and it's really incredible when you realize how so much can change and how so much stays the same.

it's times like these that i can't help but be amazed at how people can stay with you even when they leave. it's just makes their reappearance in your life all the more impactful. so to friends like K and Su (whose prettiness prefaced this post.), who were pretty much MIA for awhile (okay, a long while.), i'm glad you're back and i'm thankful to have you in my world. you guys know who you are.

also, croods was pretty fucking awesome.

if you call me home.

every once in awhile, you learn that you can be wrong about someone. someone you thought you knew everything about, has changed. and maybe, things will be better. change has it's consistency today, as it had yesterday, and will have tomorrow.

words have power, just as they can come to naught.. but maybe just tonight, i'm too young, too tired for games. shall be happy and content, and live in the moment. complications are overrated anyway.

to family, friends, and romance.

but i'm not done with the night.

with every new year, comes a tide of people making resolutions armed with confidence that they will abide by them. reflection on the past year and the analysis of time spent well and wasted is more the norm for me, however.

the last year has proved surprisingly fruitful in it's own way. while i won't delve into the details, i will say that it's the best one i've had in recent years.

so to 2013, i say this:

BRING THE RAIN.

bring on the harrowing days, sleepless nights, heartache, tears and the sweetness of success. the daily struggles will be battles that the better part of me will sometimes lose, but i will win this war against my weaknesses and fear. i will try my hardest to be happy here on out, no other resolutions necessary.

much love to everyone in my life that made this year that much more special. thank you for being uniquely you because without you i wouldn't be me. may all of you find joy this year and be as blessed as you have blessed me. you know who you are.

xxx

When it gets so be a little too much.

Today sees me in a somewhat melancholic state. Thank goodness for small wonders like the boyfriend's kindness, the bad dialog in Michael Jackson's music videos, a sister's loving support, and the silence of an afternoon's reflection.

While the days of late seem to be the worst ever, I suppose that events such as these are the ones that determine who we become. Read on Facebook that when life seems determined to crush you and you wonder where god is, remember that the teacher is always quiet during the test. Obviously, I'm not the religious sort, but it stuck me that there is always something you learn from the experiences and trials we endure.

Really does remind me that even when I'm falling apart at the seams, there are the still things to be so grateful for. To all the people in my life, thank you for the quiet support you offer, whether you know it or not. As for me, rest assured I won't be defeated by what seems too much to handle. To quote Joey "you are my Everest.". While i am aware that he was saying that to a cooked thanksgiving turkey, the message still applies.

if this bottle could talk.

a week or so ago, i cleared all outstanding friend requests on my facebook account. what prompted me to do so, i really cannot say. apart from the annoying prompts i do not know how to turn off, i suppose boredom was a contributing factor. anyways, since then i have deeply regretted this moment of stupidity, as my newsfeed is now a sea of people announcing their lunch times, their period pains and other mundane things that to the world. (and people ask me why i drink.)

perhaps i am the only one who feels this way, but i highly believe this to be close to impossible. honestly, i cannot imagine -


- how someone else wouldn't know it's thursday
- why someone would care if you got out of bed from the right or left side
- why you eating pringles for lunch would be cause of interest
- you saying you're pissed and providing no further information is expected to garner replies of sympathy

for the love of god, what has become of us? is it possible that with all the advancements made in the last 2 centuries, humanity has devolved?

in all seriousness, i do admit that the freedom of speech promoted nowadays on easily-accessed platforms has prompted the majority of retards that exist among us to step forward and take advantage of it. however, should there not be some form of filtration programmed, especially into social network forums? for example, how google search corrects your spelling with a self righteous "did you mean...?", i am quite serious about inculcating that practice with every site that is promoting friendship with strangers. after all, it is an all-for-one scenario.

in short, the betterment of people everywhere is at stake here, the main concern being influence. as we all know, 10 year olds are as technologically savvy as any 35 year old picked off the street. wouldn't it be nice if the next generation of successors weren't as exposed to stupidity as they are now? the amount of garbage online, on tv, in the papers and on the streets are quite enough to reduce a perfectly normal three year old's IQ to a single digit score.

i have long accepted that rome wasn't built in a day, and there is no way all forms of inane bullshit will be kept out of our everyday lives. i am merely hoping that somewhere, someone influential will get to this very in-your-face blogpost and wake the fuck up. i don't know if right now, i'm blogging to make a change. what i do know is that, should the mental capabilities of my fellow singaporeans continue to deteriorate in the next five years, i'm moving to mars, if necessary. (of course, assuming that maybe 50 or so people retain a high enough IQ to discover if it's possible.)

cloches de mariage!

the very very handsome ryan and his gorgeous bride, rachel! t'was a lovely, glamorous event that was enhanced by the incredible company. and by that i mean the whole telco division at st andrew's.


so saturday saw me all decked out in what sheri has decided to dub "the slutty chinese outfit". i for one, see nothing slutty about it. if anything, it's CLASSY, thanks very much. but that's just my opinion of course.


on another note, the boy and i were set to match, like every other cheezy, cliched couple effort. worked for us though hahaa. took a number of photos and i think they turned out quite well. for your viewing pleasure:

with jerry, the boss-man.

totally gatecrashing their team shot.

the men of zyfe.

drunks of the round table.

during the course of the night, watched the tear-jearking montage of the wedding couple's earlier years. the adorable photos brought to mind the numerous weddings i have attended in the past, how they are always more or less similar. while i've always envisioned that i'd age gracefully and alone, i kind of pictured that should i ever get married, it would be something a little less like the traditional singaporean chinese wedding.

hence the little outburst of laughter when i remembered cheng's slightly racist joke. as the boyfriend is malay (void decks apparently being the favored location for a wedding), and i am chinese (hotel ballrooms being ours), in the event of a proposal, cheng predicts we reach the compromise of being wed in a hotel lobby.

amusing, but no.

the food was alright, even though i got chided for indulging in ngoh hiang, a traditional chinese meat roll that includes pork. most of my meal consisted of alcohol, which any member of my family would tell you, is pretty much the norm. cigarette breaks also served to break up the session of pure gluttony, which is good.

should the boyfriend and i progress to that stage in our relationship, i'm going to make a terrible muslim.

ahh well, another worry for another day. most importantly,

dayum we look good together.

and this makes 70.

so today started out with a conversation with ZKF over the phone at 11 30. due to me still all a-slumber, the memory of exactly what transpired during the length of the short exchange is somewhat blurred. fret not, as i later recalled that the dear boy had called to make plans for the day and to town it was.

(excuse the ah lian-ness of it all, but photos or it didn't happen, right?)

we met at tampines then headed off to town in search of shirts, pants and shoes. of course, because we are what we are (easily distracted), a major detour was caused by: a short gaming session, 5 dollar cups of fries, 400 grams of famous amos cookies, a bottled whiskey soda, and a hilarious discussion about the color of garbage bags. by the time the knights assembled, boy and i decided we had better get the show on the road and get started with our treasure hunt. hence, the departure, and the marathon began.

yes. marathon. i shit you not. we were hunting a grand total of 2 bloody hours before the first goddamn purchase. everyone who knows me is aware of the fact that i, sarah tan xin yi, hate shopping with a vengeance. however, today was exceptional and i am not one to refrain from making allowances.

hours of walking around, holding hands and sneaking kisses were the focal point of our hike and to be completely honest, i really enjoyed it. from cineleisure, we journeyed to somerset 313, to paragon, to ion and finally wound up at far east for the highlight of the day.

in total relevence to the title of this post, i hereby announce that i have just repierced my tongue. according to melvin, the gentleman who did the deed, i should avoid oral sex, french kissing and seafood for a month.

(unglam, but proves the stud is where it should be.)

WHAT? NO SEAFOOD?
sweet jesus mother of nancy.

concluded the day with dinner at 9 pm, had soup (resulting in current fits of uncontrollable HUNGER) because the tongue was, and is, for some reason swollen and hurting like a camel just stepped on it. i say this because there was hardly any pain the first three times, so the discomfort is pretty new.

ohh well.

to summarize, the day has been nothing short of spectacular. a great way to spend the off day and like i've been reassuring you readers in my previous posts, i really have never been happier.

(just because we're the cutest couple.)

to zee:

thank you for everything, and i hope you know the impact you have on me. like i've said before, as far as feelings go, nothing matters, save for the love we share now. cheesy as it is, i really do mean every word of it when i say you're zymazing and i can't imagine my life without you anymore. regardless of the idiotic things i say or do on occasion, which are completely unintentional, i hope you know that all that i really care about is you and how i can make you happy. forgive me for being the little stupid i am, and let's make this work.

ps: i'm really glad i could change your mind zymmie. xxx

pull your little arrows out.

according, to AARON TAN, one of the youtube "sensations" to grace our beloved international video sharing platform, i am very very pretty. not that i disagree, mind you, but the stroking of the my picture on his screen is tres disturbing. needless to say, the boyfr is not amused, feels rather disgusted, and is making death threats under his breath over the phone. (all in jest of course, fret not!)

assuming you want to know what all the hooplah is about, you are, of course, provided the option of fast-forwarding to the 9th minute if you, like me, cannot stand his nonsensical rantings in no particular language at all. (ask on the tagboard should you require translations.) i have to add that this is purely coincidental and was through no fault of mine. i do not know this guy at all, and quite frankly, have no intention of ever having the pleasure of declining his extension of friendship. hopefully the boy leaves me well alone.

at this juncture i have no idea whether to feel greatly flattered or just plain mortified. like the sister suggests though, shall just "take a ride on the fame train". wonder how long THIS will last then.

stay tuned for updates, as always. should the lord be kind, perhaps you folks will have the privilege of viewing my virgin video post!

the unconventional sort.

so i haven't been diligently blogging of late, and i hope you will all excuse me. nothing much has been going on and i haven't been out much on account of the mumps. jack's swollen saliva glands, to you fight club fans.

it will please you all to know that i have completed THE LIST, with the sole exception of watching scarface. on to the next, i've been getting questions regarding my resolutions for the year. many of my friends are quitting their vices, smoking, drinking and so on. however, these are the things that i, at this particular juncture in my life anyway, cannot imagine living without. so instead of making my own checklist of things i will not do, here are some of the things i pledge to do more this year.

• speak french
• look up old friends
• make new friends
• hang out with old and new friends
• work
• laugh
• live

straightforward it may all seem to you, but in my experience, this already is a tall order. in the past year, i have not lived up to my expectations and as a result am feeling pretty shitty. i suppose a change in this aspect will do me good.

as you all know, i haven't been in a relationship since tee, which marks the three month mark. friends and family know, this is groundbreaking news, and i have reached a milestone that hasn't been close to approached since i discovered the joys of physical and emotional intimacy since i was 11. still, this is also, i have to admit, a nice change of scenery. it feels awesome ushering in the new year with no exccess baggage, because lord knows, i've had enough to carry in 2011.

so even though new years have never been a big thing for me, here's to 2012, a fresh beginning. may the world not end, and us all be happy. till next!

hands and hearts.

apologies for my previous outburst. have calmed down significantly and am actually happy now.

spent a few hours with NATTIE and ALMO, and gods, have i missed them or? at times like these, i remember how true friends are far and few between. this outing just made me appreciate the both of you all the more, even though almo was a last minute inclusion. HAHAA.

in short, thanks boys, loved every second of it, from your jibes, to the heart-to-heart. now i can say from the bottom of my heart, merry christmas everyone. may your holiday be as fulfilling as mine in terms of rediscovering love and friendship. <3

just general awesomeness.

• to get a JOB.
• to sort out self. (somewhat, anyway.)
  
• clean desk.
• re-colour-code wardrobe.
• get down to putting up corkboards in room.
• install bloody blinds on window looking out into living room.
  
• to slow down on the alcohol intake.
• ditto for the cigarettes.
  
• to finish my book.
• to finish reading everything in my house twice.
• to stop checking emails every 15 minutes.
• quit the facebook addiction.
• quit stalking kim hyun joong (the one and only korean sex god.) online.
• quit stalking ANYONE online.
• watch scarface.
• and all my favourite classics.
• revisit old blog and fish out sexy lines, if any.
  
• getting over tee.

HAA.

and of course, the darling who actually did all the work.

THANKS SAM LOVE YOU VAIR VAIR MUCH. <3

sarah, clara and camels.

and insanity strikes again!

tuesday saw me being reminded that sometimes i forget my place. even though good intentions may exist, it doesn't necessarily guarantee the results hoped for. i may very well have pissed off a good friend of mine, but i suppose that when we have been hanging out together this long, a spat here and there is inevitable. of course, this means a cool down period is in the pipelines. le sigh, no chips for awhile then. i suppose i could live with that.

another thing, most of my friends would know by now that i have only just recently sworn off men, and have no intention of revoking that any time soon. however, as always, circumstances just are and ohh well, i may very well be on my way to falling flat on my face again.

l'amore, l'amore. you know, just for once though, i don't want to get together with someone just to have them break my heart again. then again, it's impossible to predict where this will lead me and for all i know.. MAYBE, i'll be happy for longer than a few months.

officially addicted, then.

on to other things, shall be attempting so fix the bloody blinds on my window. i've had it with the stupid translucent panels. it's driving me crazy. also, shall be putting up cork boards in room. desired result is not compulsory, because anything would be better than this hahaa.

apologies for going all over the place with this. i suppose it's a reflection of my current state of mind.

till the next update, x!

electrify these boys and girls, if you'd be so kind.

alcohol was the what, le noir the where, and who comprised of everybody who was somebody. yes ladies and gents, i am now divulging the details of my latest binge.

predictably, the night started out slow, but picked up pretty quickly, all things considered. and then i spied with my little eye either a moving da vinci sculpture, or just a very handsome man, during the auction held for the benefit of under privileged children in the spirit of christmas. more on that later.

made a new friend by the name of claudie almost immediately after the charity auction (hosted by a chubby looking venetta lopez) ended, and wound up staying in her company the rest of the night. she's an insane dancer and well, just generally insane.

as the night wore on, the crowd got progressively louder and more rowdy as per the norm. enters, at this point, afore mentioned attractive specimen of the opposite sex. what was puzzling was that he appeared to be dancing (quite poorly) alone. i was as flustered as a secondary schoolgirl and was THIS close to hyperventilating. eventually, we had a dance together and i realized he was quite a prick. remind me again, WHY i insist on checking out "club property"?

but that's okayy. claudie and i were enjoying ourselves plenty and it was nice hanging out with a girl for a change. danced the night away and came home tired and worn out. a night of debauchery has been a long time coming and it's been ages since i have genuinely enjoyed myself like that. t'was a good night!

as a side note, readers of my blog should have realized by now that there are some changes to the layout. tag board's up, and thanks to a friend's suggestion, i am now a nuffie. ive increased the number of posts per page so it'll be easier to keep up with what i've been up to.

as a favor, leave your mark on the tag board, please. it would be nice to know who my readers actually are. i refuse to believe that the numbers consist of 5 friends who check out my page a hundred times a day each. thanks and lots of love.

xx!

houston, we have a problem.

i love reading aunt agony letters, because i adore pretending to be an expert advice giver. though i never made a profession of revealing the core of their problems and telling them where to put it, many of my friends will tell you i dispense the greatest advice ever in the history of great advice.

here's one that i came across on the net. i felt a need to add on my two cents worth so.

yahoo! news, abigail van buren, tuesday - november 15th 2011

(someone who is harried and has cancer:)
DEAR ABBY:

I have been battling breast cancer and have been blessed to have a lot of support from family, friends and some awesome medical providers. My husband's best friend and his wife socialize with us quite often, and the friendship is important to him. I recently celebrated a birthday and these friends had us over for a belated birthday dinner. They bought me beautiful flowers and a gift. The card attached made a joke about my "aging breasts," which she found quite funny.

Abby, I had a mastectomy, which she knew about! To make matters worse, my hair has just started to grow back from the chemo, so I decided to have some highlights put in, and she told me she didn't like my new hair.

I am hurt and dumbfounded by her insensitive behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time she has said things like this. How do I tell her I'm offended by her rudeness without compromising my husband's friendship with them? -- HARRIED FRIEND

(what abby said in response:)
DEAR HARRIED FRIEND:

You nailed it. The woman is insensitive -- but you said she has also made tasteless comments in the past. For the sake of the friendship between your husbands, tune her out and spend less time with her one-on-one. It's OK to tell her that her joke about your "aging breasts" hurt your feelings in light of your mastectomy, and that as your hair is growing back you thought you'd like to try something "different." However, if you use the word "offended" she'll probably become defensive, so avoid that word.

A final thought: Most people are terrified of cancer. People sometimes try to make jokes about things that make them uncomfortable in an effort to diffuse those feelings. This may be the reason the woman tried to joke about it, so don't let it cause you to carry a grudge.

(what i would have said:)
DEAR HARRIED PERSON:

this may come off as harsh, but woman, grow a pair. or a spine. bitch gotta recognize, man!

first off, she must think she's hilarious, so use humor as your weapon. for example, in retaliation to her knee-slapping aging breasts joke, you could say "well i had a mastectomy, what's your excuse?". in my opinion, such a response is not only witty, but also warranted. about what she said with regards to your 'do, your hair is your business and she shouldn't be in it. tell her so and don't be afraid of offending her. she certainly didn't care whether or not she did you. should her husband, or yours for that matter, have anything to say about it, you may feel free to smack them around a little then throw their sorry, soggy asses out on the street.

my dear lady, you had breast cancer. you're defo better than this woman and there is no reason for letting her push you around. you have a loving network of friends and family who have watched you survive chemo, so how would they feel if they saw you cheat death only so you could be this bitch's doormat? the way i see it, giving her a taste of her own bloody medicine is not just standing up for yourself. it is also giving credit to the people who care about you, and ultimately, for her own good as well.

abby thinks that most people are terrified of cancer. i'd say that's horseshit. EVERYONE, is terrified of cancer, and rightfully so. you have a lot of inner strength overcoming that hurdle love, and if this friend of yours can't respect that, she can jolly well FUCK OFF.

AND THERE'S PROOF.

never enough time.

met with BAK and started the yesterday out with him at PS Cafe at harding road. some bites and three glasses later, bak went home and i proceeded to PS Cafe at palais (yes it was a day for visiting.) to down a glass of champers. huang was there and she comped me the alcoholic beverage, but when i went to thank her and say hi, she was just as always, outrageously rude. ohh well.

hung out with RUSSLY and JBS at the dodge bar in the basement of ming arcade for a bit and when 10 rolled around, i was pretty smashed up. decided to head home, but surprise surprise, got a call from tee and we decided to meet up. told him exactly what i thought about him and i suppose all in all, it went well. shall not elaborate, but will say it ended amicably and all is not lost.

got home around 12 30 and contemplated the true meaning of love. i used to be pretty sure of the definition but it now all seems so abstract. be it with someone who is convinced he loves me, or someone i have feelings for, the innocence of playful courtship have gone together with my secondary school days. like everybody else i know, i end up second guessing the next person's intentions. which brings me to the next question of what happiness is, or rather, if i will ever get to experience it, and if i do, would i know?

my life has been sectioned off, categorically defined by who i spent that time with. i wonder if any of those men remember me and how. if we were still together, would we have been happy?

and random thoughts like that filled my head, it was only when i remembered what it is always like in the beginning that i stopped feeling sorry for myself. i suppose everyone has their days and whatnot, but i absolutely refuse to continue moping. besides, i have had my moments of extreme happiness. problem is, at this point it's just hard to keep them close. reminiscing is more than recreation, it can also be a tool for comfort. now that i have come across this revelation, i'm spreading the love. happiness, however fleeting, is meant to be held close and dear. i wont waste time being sad anymore, i promise.

live long and prosper!

for all the boys i've helped mother.

the right to be wrong.

after 2 years of absenteeism, someone i met completely randomly made a huge comeback. surprise, surprise, we got on famously.

a customer at ps cafe, and me being their humble waitress, SONG and his two friends used to come regularly and chill where i used to work. after serving them once or twice, we somehow established a connection. not the oh-my-god-i'm-in-love kind, just that the mutual admiration for each other's wit made us fast friends.

the last i saw them was back when i was piling plates at dempsey, and when i left for palais, i thought i'd never meet them again. and then last night happened!

was stranded last night, all by my lonesome and with no where to go. was texting song and he suggested we meet. said yes, and we agreed to meet at punch. HAHAA, at the string of events that followed.

had my usual dirty martinis on ice, and decided to go to st james with song after. met his group on insane friends and had the time of my life. apart from the buffet of whiskey, beer and cognac consumed, i honestly haven't laughed that hard in fucking ages. lost my shoes somehow and sweet, sweet song took his off and let me wear them. considering it was raining yesterday, it was an extremely touching gesture.

all in all i have to say that he was totally opposite from what i expected. just goes to show that you can't judge a book by it's cover. this really could be the start of something beautiful, don't you think?

just the right amount of awkward.

just struck me how ironic it was that my ex just said how it was impossible it was for us to be platonic friends, now that i've decided to basically let him go.

who's to stay and go, really. i suppose it's not really ours to decide, is it?

either way, the night saw way much more excitement than that. drinks from 6 30 onwards, i was almost properly drunk before i got to clarke quay. made a proper fool of myself, exactly the way people at clarke quay are supposed to. :D

update on the to-do-list, nothing as been done, as expected. yes am still stalking the korean sex god and quite obviously have not gotten over the ex. le sigh, fml indeed.

i'll stop the whole world.

was scrolling through my blog last night while hanging out with BAK and ended up looking at posts from long ago. though it's often that i do this, it never ceases to amaze how much time can change a person. or rather, what experience years can bring.

though i wouldn't go as far to say how immature and childish i was, i willingly confess that i hardly know the person i was. not so much juvenile, just largely ignorant and indignant about many things. and now, countless disappointments and lessons later, its no wonder i find myself different.

bak, as well as two random strangers, claim that they were impressed by my writing, going as far to say that i should most definitely publish. unfortunately, i don't think i ever will. i have no desire whatsoever to see my life in print. strange, coming from a blogger, i suppose, but it feels like an entirely different thing altogether. perhaps time will change my mind, but for the moment these words will remain on a computer screen. besides, like anne frank, i cannot for the life of me imagine what thought people around the world will give about the musings of a youngling.

on to other things. a recurring of past events have been plaguing me in the form of men. i have observed that whenever i go through a particularly painful phase, i tend to attract men i would otherwise date if i were in a more positive place. not that i don't enjoy the attention, but it goes without saying that i am in no position to commit to any relationship of such nature, not when i'm in this current state anyway. i have too much on my plate to worry about when the next heartbreak will occur, thank you very much.

to be honest, i have been way too reliant on my other half in the past but this time i need to find my own. i'm pretty sure my friends will agree when i say this, that i'm strong but i'm only human. i can't continue like this and i won't let myself drag someone else down as well. hopefully, my countless suitors will understand where i'm coming from and leave me well alone with regards to being reciprocal to their feelings. in case i do give in, however, it will be on my terms and no one else's.

enough for now. more later.

nothing feels the same now that i'm with you.

the weekend hasn't been bad per se, but a difficult one, and not in a way you'd expect.

the bulk of yesterday was spent at home. recieved, at 9pm, an invite to timbre and so away i went. tee's brother was back, and for some reason wanted me to be a part of the welcoming committee. it was nice seeing hedger and ti again, soap, his lovely girlfriend, and of course finally meeting tee's brother was a good thing in itself.

beers, champers, jagerbombs and martinis later, came the ghost of christmas past. shocks and surprises aside, it still made a strange discussion. we finished talking at what would be 4 am in the bloody morning and then left more mindfucked then when i went.

all in all, a whole lot of emotional indigestion for just two days. in regards to the events on saturday, i really don't know what to make of all this drama. how does one react in situations as these? on one hand, gain the chance to have everything i've dreamed of with someone, or walk away and preserve what sanity i have left. needless to say, what my darling friends would advise would be predictable and for good reason. but much as i may be out of my ever lovin' mind, i (not-so-secretly) believe that whatever we had can still be salvaged.

can you blame a girl for trying?

le sigh. like i said, mindfucked.