though i wouldn't go as far to say how immature and childish i was, i willingly confess that i hardly know the person i was. not so much juvenile, just largely ignorant and indignant about many things. and now, countless disappointments and lessons later, its no wonder i find myself different.
bak, as well as two random strangers, claim that they were impressed by my writing, going as far to say that i should most definitely publish. unfortunately, i don't think i ever will. i have no desire whatsoever to see my life in print. strange, coming from a blogger, i suppose, but it feels like an entirely different thing altogether. perhaps time will change my mind, but for the moment these words will remain on a computer screen. besides, like anne frank, i cannot for the life of me imagine what thought people around the world will give about the musings of a youngling.
on to other things. a recurring of past events have been plaguing me in the form of men. i have observed that whenever i go through a particularly painful phase, i tend to attract men i would otherwise date if i were in a more positive place. not that i don't enjoy the attention, but it goes without saying that i am in no position to commit to any relationship of such nature, not when i'm in this current state anyway. i have too much on my plate to worry about when the next heartbreak will occur, thank you very much.
to be honest, i have been way too reliant on my other half in the past but this time i need to find my own. i'm pretty sure my friends will agree when i say this, that i'm strong but i'm only human. i can't continue like this and i won't let myself drag someone else down as well. hopefully, my
enough for now. more later.
3 comments:
we all do change do we? sometimes wish we can go back to the first time anything happened. when it all made sense. where these feelings were tangible.
those times i felt like i truly could stop the world.
now, a rock takes strength. hell, im facing alot more demons then i used to.
maybe im just saying all these to myself. make myself feel better. that im not the only one feeling these things. i dont know.
all i can say is, good luck.
you're not alone.
it's just incredibly difficult to come to terms with sometimes, because you don't feel it in the transition. looking back you begin to wonder when you started caring about certain things, wondering if you'd change anything if you could or if this was the way you intended to be. you've done a degree of good here, by leaving a comment. it's always nice to let people know they're not alone in whatever it is they're facing. looking forward to seeing you around then!
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