the road to recovery is never really as easy as people make it sound aye. nonetheless it's a road we all must take at one point in our lives or another, so why wait?
revelations that stem from advice is never new, but the difference between the two somehow always seems to be the one giving it. thus far, i have failed to see that i don't deserve to be treated like some hand-me-down. here, is where i've ended up.
confidence has always been once of my strongest traits, and often the cause of my downfall. whatever happens in between.. well that's another story. two months ago when my parents learned of what was transpiring between tee and i, they uged me to quit. i was so cock-sure that the place i was was where i was meant to be that i told them there was no need to worry. sooner or later, the work and stress would pay off. obviously i couldn't be more wrong. also, it was the confidence that i would never again be stuck in this awkward predicament that i stubbornly refused to plan an escape route. well.
so boys and girls, today (at this ungodly hour) i am pleased to inform you that i have identified the problem and come up with a screening process for all the decisions i am making and will have to make in the future. topic: end goal.
we all know what the secret to success is. believe in yourself, and others will believe in you. of course, a wide network, good attitude, the right aptitude, charisma, and talent are also crucial ingredients. plus being naturally good looking never hurt anyone.
the most important of all, though, is direction. everything should have a time, place and purpose. i've forgotten that.
chasing paper and getting by is the concept that most singaporeans are familiar with. but i am sick and tired of this routine. most of all, i am sick of this blind confidence in people, including myself, that has gotten me absofuckingly nowhere.
i'm breaking out of this mold. from now on, everything i do will be deliberate. i will not be swayed and i will not subject myself to whim any longer. or god help me, my name isn't sarah.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
act three.
what's new, really. when you think you've finally settled down, another whirlwind comes and leave you to pick up the pieces again. cest' la vie they say, the show must go on and all that crap. you know what, for once in my life, i'd like to fucking wallow.
ha. lean on someone. the novelty of it all was so refreshing. the fact that someone was WILLING to let me lean on them for a change. should have seen it coming. again, as they say: if it's too good to be true, it probably is.
as to what i think about this whole shebang, you should already know, unless you didn't bother getting to know me at all. and fyi, one of the reasons i hated you talking about your exes so much is because i knew for a fact that i was just going to be another statistic. number 39 as it were. you've never given a thought for anyone but yourself and just so you know, it hurts. a little respect for someone else really wouldn't kill you, i promise.
continuing my journey to chips tonight was a mistake, so what if i were already on the way. proving to myself that restraint was possible ended up in total disaster anyway so i'm not going to try anymore, swear it.
really what possessed me to think that you were better than this i cannot imagine. excuse me, but i'm done being apologetic, now am just mostly angry. in conclusion, thanks for the memories tee. i just wish you'd stop making the new ones increasingly painful.
ha. lean on someone. the novelty of it all was so refreshing. the fact that someone was WILLING to let me lean on them for a change. should have seen it coming. again, as they say: if it's too good to be true, it probably is.
as to what i think about this whole shebang, you should already know, unless you didn't bother getting to know me at all. and fyi, one of the reasons i hated you talking about your exes so much is because i knew for a fact that i was just going to be another statistic. number 39 as it were. you've never given a thought for anyone but yourself and just so you know, it hurts. a little respect for someone else really wouldn't kill you, i promise.
continuing my journey to chips tonight was a mistake, so what if i were already on the way. proving to myself that restraint was possible ended up in total disaster anyway so i'm not going to try anymore, swear it.
really what possessed me to think that you were better than this i cannot imagine. excuse me, but i'm done being apologetic, now am just mostly angry. in conclusion, thanks for the memories tee. i just wish you'd stop making the new ones increasingly painful.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
trouble sleeping.
jaded, not to say i'm giving up.
andrew was right, i don't know what it is that i want. i've always thought i did, but in light of recent events, the truth has become so obvious, even i can't ignore it.
too young, he says. i refuse to believe that's the cause for my confusion. if this were so, i'd still be farting around doing nothing with my life and living off my parents no? i'd like to think it's not due to youth, but more a personal choice that i've made to blind myself to some of my faults and my immaturity has told me that people adapting to my personality is the way it should be.
tee and i were having the first real conversation in a week on friday. i'm ashamed to say that this is exactly what i've accused him of. not contributing emotionally to this relationship (or whatever the hell it's supposed to be.), he thinks that accommodation on my part is all the love we need. in turn, it's turned me resentful toward the fact that i'm the only one giving in, and he's doing fuck all. no wait, behaving like the cats he hates. taking and not giving anything back.
so the question really is, what now? while it's become pretty much obvious that tee and i can't continue the way we are because it threatens both out professional and personal relationship, i really hate thinking about what it would be like without him around at all.
ahh decisions, decisions. it really gets to me, how they're usually not mine to be made.
andrew was right, i don't know what it is that i want. i've always thought i did, but in light of recent events, the truth has become so obvious, even i can't ignore it.
too young, he says. i refuse to believe that's the cause for my confusion. if this were so, i'd still be farting around doing nothing with my life and living off my parents no? i'd like to think it's not due to youth, but more a personal choice that i've made to blind myself to some of my faults and my immaturity has told me that people adapting to my personality is the way it should be.
tee and i were having the first real conversation in a week on friday. i'm ashamed to say that this is exactly what i've accused him of. not contributing emotionally to this relationship (or whatever the hell it's supposed to be.), he thinks that accommodation on my part is all the love we need. in turn, it's turned me resentful toward the fact that i'm the only one giving in, and he's doing fuck all. no wait, behaving like the cats he hates. taking and not giving anything back.
so the question really is, what now? while it's become pretty much obvious that tee and i can't continue the way we are because it threatens both out professional and personal relationship, i really hate thinking about what it would be like without him around at all.
ahh decisions, decisions. it really gets to me, how they're usually not mine to be made.
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