your sleepless-ness makes you a liar.

dearest chokko,
goodbye my friend and mentor. you'll be sorely missed. and god know however bad it may get, you'll always have memories of us to keep you happyyyyyyyy. :D

best of wishes love,
me.

on another note,

you are, the dark ocean bottom
and i am the fast sinking anchor
should i fall for you?
you are the scar on my tissue
that i show all of my new friends
should i show you me?

all we need is a little bit of momentum
breakdown these walls that we’ve built around ourselves
all we need is a little bit of inertia
breakdown and tell, breakdown and tell

that you are the rain on the fire
deep in the trees when no one was looking
should i, speak of this?
you are a mirage in the distance
that defies the heat of the desert
should i, believe in you?

these rules are made to break and these walls are built to fall
these rules are made to break, us all.

now what?

post-depression kisses, and candle-lit romances.

i wqas yelled at today. i basically starved myself for the entire shift because i simply could not bear to even look at the shit they feed us. i think i'm getting hungry. i forget things like setting teacups and that irritates me. and i haven't had a cigarette in more than an hour.

i am NOT in a good mood.

god. help.

do you know how love feels?

it's like your heart
is being ripped out of your chest,

but also like your lungs
taste breath for the first time.

this circle, i'll probably never escape..
but i really like it here,
your heart i call my home.

PLEASE,
my fantasies, dreams.
don't end.

from every heart you break.

am feeling emo but happy at the same time. is that possible. i just drank a third of a bottle of wine in under 15 mins. maybe that explains it.

i miss you, i really do.

in view of the recent D&D (which i did not attend.), i've been tasked with the topic of meet ups. why there are, in existence, such functions, such gatherings.

i myself was never much of a believer of such congregating. to a blatantly unsentimental individual such as i, going for dinner with a headcount of more than five is a meaningless waste of time. and i mean it literally.

especially for girls (and i know, because i was from an all-girls secondary school.), they would never, i repeat, NEVER, leave the house without checking out what everyone else is wearing, and they take forever to get dressed themselves. end result? everyone arrives late.
(EST. TIME WASTED: 1 HR.)

next, and this applies to both ladies and gents, the destination point is constantly being modified, and everyone gets lost.
(EST. TIME WASTED: 45 MINS.)

and since no one ever thinks about just picking a restaurant first, it is decided that it would be best vested in everyone's interest to meet, then choose where they will be having what would appear to be their last supper. therefore,
(EST. TIME WASTED: 30 MINS.)

when the group is finally IN the restaurant (thank the lord no one died of starvation along the way.), one will have to wait for everyone else to decide and order what they will be having. it is only the most BASIC of manners, is it not?
(EST. TIME WASTED: 30 MINS.)

during dinner, everyone talks about nonsense that's hardly even relevant anymore and bitch about people they used not to like. and that in my opinion, is the point. that there is no justice in the world and there is no longer reason for the birds to sing. when the arguement becomes moot.
( EST. TIME WASTED: 3 HRS.)

me? i love my solitude. the only two types of gatherings i feel obliged to show up for are weddings and funerals.

however, not being at D&D this year has made me feel like i totally missed out. people were coming to me telling me that MIKO was the most gorgeous mer-transvestite in the history of ever, that the games were awesome, and not forgetting DAVID, the first drunk of the day, was up to unforgettable antics. hearing everything, i would have killed to have been there. witnessing all this for myself first hand would have been awesome, but missing drunken fun with the people i've grown to love and respect?

-insert sad face

i would have sent a postcard but you guys would have gotten back before you'd recieved it. still, there will always be next year, and doubtless, it will keep getting better. to all those who made it there and didn't, fret not. just because you didn't go to batam does not mean you are not part of the family. we still love you. :)

till next time,

BOOMZ!

tonight, as i watched her fall.

how do you explain wanting to stay and leave at the same time?

bleeding pros and cons. i need some divine intervention to know where i'm headed. i desperately miss knowing exactly what i want, you know.

enough of this emo shit i say.

changing the topic, i was in the bus today, and i saw this incredibly frail looking woman walking towards the back of the bus. her hands were full, so she couldn't hold on to any support.

no one helped her, no one gave her a hand. the worst part was when she walked to a seat, but this lady was sitting on the isle seat, so all she had to do was move in, or give way. do you know what she did?

SHE
COMPLETELY
IGNORED
THE POOR
OLD
LADY.

i tell you, courtesy campaign my ASS. some people are just beyond fucking redemption.

_l_