i think i could have this lovin, for awhile.

i work in a beautiful place with lover-ly people now. maybe it takes getting used to, but being a runner is seriously a bitch, especially after i just got my typhoid shot.. i seriously need to die. DIE. at the end of the night i felt like the soles of my feet were gonna melt into my shoes, and my calves were gonna snap right off at the knees. okayy i'm ranting, bye.

like another dramatic actor, starving for work.

it's times like these i just know we'll miss when they're gone.

last night saw myself suffering a roller coaster of emotions. it honestly felt like i had a whirlpool in the pit of my stomach (NOT the i-need-to-shit kind.).

it's crazy how i miss girlfriend, and i think it'll just get worse as days go by. at least i know we'll spend every off day together in the best of ways, but till then,

i'll be missing you,
and i'll keep falling faster.

on to other things, i really do detest people that selfishly waste MY precious time. i like a majority of things done fast, and waiting for anything more than 10 minutes (apart from orgasms.) is really not in my list of to-do's.

for everyone's information, an average being spends about 45 - 62 minutes a day waiting. that's 274 - 377 hours a friggin year. the average of that would be 326 hours a year, or thereabouts.

THREE
HUNDRED
AND
TWENTY
SIX HOURS
A YEAR

JUST
WAITING.

okayy. whatever if you want to wait. but i, the great ra, have BETTER THINGS TO DO WITH MY TIME.

excuse me if waiting for wallpaper to peel, for flowers to bloom, for juveniles to mature, for money to fall from the sky, is not exactly my favourite past time. do whatever the fuck you want and wait your life away, but please spare a thought for the higher beings.

people like ME.

insert sad face here.

I DON'T WANT MY HONEYMOON TO END PLEASE.

i would stop time,
to stay here with you
i would stop time,
so we don't move
i would stop time,
i would stop time,
i would stop time,
to keep you

by my side
in our summer,
our last summer.

i'm crying so hard,

I CAN'T BREATHE.

consolation prize goes to..

why the fuck do men think that women are complicated?

women think too much about how the guy's using them. about how a guy is treating them. about how a guy SHOULD be treating them. about how a guy is playing with their feelings. about how a guy is just lusting over their bodies.

forget about how those people entertained you, ladies. forget about how they asked you to dinner. forget about those innuendos. the fact is, THESE GUYS LIKE YOU.

i am DONE telling women about how their men should think while dating them, and what men should think about while you are having a date with them.

i'm going to talk about how you should think when you are on a date with them.

i just went for a drink with M and R, so trust me.

men are straight creatures. men want things to be simple. whether they want you out on a date to see how you're really like, or they want you out so how they see what you're like when you're drunk, or whether then want to you to have sex with them, they're honest about it. really. of course they have different methods of approaching:

see what you're like:

• what are you like when you're high?
• what do you do when you're bored?
• what do you like guys to do to you when you're horny?

see what you're like when you're drunk

• what are you thinking of?
• you look really upset, what happened?
• please don't do that.

whether or not you want to have sex with them:

• it's really hot don't you think?
• do you wanna go back to my place?
• lick the lollipop, bitch.

i don't know. but men do have a one track mind. if they like you, they do. ladies, go with you're gut. if you think they are worth it, you're usually right. if they're not, listen to your friends next time.

and i'd give it all away.

china one or ps cafe?

decisions decisions.

fuck work lahh seriously. bianca and i talked about this briefly when we were surprising her with tiramisu cake.

bi:
what happened to maturing and gaining independance?

good question.

on another note, girlfriend is currently mahjong-ing (again.) and i've heard some seriously entertaining table talk that i want to share.

whatshisface that came into the house uninvited just plonked his fat ass at the dining table and ate all the food while the foursome was playing. he just randomly started talking about how he went to the government and applied for welfare cash whenever he was broke. and then the topic trailed to how he hated the government. and then how he thinks the government is stupid. and then how he thought singaporeans were stupid for not speaking up enough. to which came the response from evelyn,

evelyn:
and you're stupid for talking too damned much. i hope they arrest you.

i completely agree.
WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT.

i mean, you're ripping off tax-payers' money all the friggin time. from all the hot air coming out of those chapped lips, the guy's skin is as thick as his skull. even his grandmother had a say.

auntie:
mai ca lahh! kannineh! jia jia jia! jia ka liao! ai ta pao mai!
(*shut the fuck up! fuck your tits! eat eat eat! want to bring the food home or not!)

HAHAHAHAHAHAA who knew old people could be so vulgar and comical?

and he just continued talking.

it just strikes me how people only hear what they want to. how could they possibly be so oblivious to insults in their pimply faces from their GRANDPARENTS?

the human race is infuckingcredible i tell you.

littlest things.

a quick update of my life and what's been going on, as i owe it to my avid fans.

i have been bumming, which means mahjong, drinking, smoking, singing, watching movies, catching up with friends over coffee and sexxing (hahaa.), for the last 4 months.

i want MONEY.

so back to black i go. the blackness of dance, music and magic in a smoky room. the reality of either starving or working is once again making itself very hard to ignore.

I WANT LAMB CHOPS
AND ALCOHOL
AND AND HAPPINESS EVERYDAY.
:(

it's such a shame, you can't do that without the magic of greenery.
-pout.

sway.

you've changed. i hope to god it's temporary.

regardless of whether or not you wanna talk to us, or take our advice seriously, we're here. i hope y0u know that, yes?

AIYAH SORRY LAHHHHHHH.

nabei.

edit:

coincidentally, i watched nick and norah's infinite playlist just last night. where's fluffy! :(

an apology.

you know, i really think i'm a good girlfriend, even a mother sometimes. much less a better friend than most.

but the fact that i didn't show up when you needed me there doesn't change. i'm sorry mervyn. will you forgive me?

please please please?

mark your place in time with another question why.

haven't been blogging, but then again what's there to talk about these days? i'm turning dispassionate again, and it's annoying me, really. the fact that i've been procrastinating about finding work and be once more self sustaining is honestly not helping. and to top the list, i've become a somewhat motherly figure to a couple, which is wayy disturbing.

the whole world's gone mexican, i tell you. and it's another one of those LAST SUMMER days.

you don't know,
when all you want is to find home.