& pain.

wizard: what do you want to be most in the world?

august: found.

ohh, grey.

and for the most part, i'm not angry, sad. just disappointed.

most people don't understand that particular emotion. which makes me wonder, why do i even try? it's not like anyone's really going to stop and listen. really, i am thoroughly bored with people who ask for answers they don't want to hear. honestly, what's the point. (what's the pint? HAHAA.)

boo.

it's like no one takes me seriously anymore.













(hahaa as if anyone ever did in the first place.)

AM SO SICK OF EVERYTHING
I
JUST
WANT
TO
DIE.

spider.

oh love, oh sanctuary!

you keep me feeling like a child,
safe.
i'm sorry to confess, i do, doubt.
would you leave me not unlike
other pleasures, that evade?

and turn.
a dream, a weaver
a spinner of lies, a web
only to consume?

as fear has.
i am afraid that i want,
only what might be taken away.

for if by holding a hand, solitude
and in a room full of people, i am but alone,

i have reason.

why, do you make an enemy of me?

evening, all. have i been missed?

some of you may know that i've long quit my job at P.S. cafe, and am in the ranks of the unemployed.. well all that ends TOMORROW. yes folks, i will be joining the merry men (and women) at robertson quay. hopefully, it'll turn out better than that ridiculous circus of my previous second home.

on to other things.

l'amore l'amore.

i have to admit, that even though i am madly in love, a realtionship in constant motion won't fall from the sky. i'm trying to work at it and the question i'm faced with now is, is that enough?

but then, enough of doubt i say. haa. i really should stop second guessing the ones i love as well as myself. at the risk of a cliche,

there

simply

isn't

enough

TIME.

aww sheldon :(

leonnerd: sheldon why are you sitting by yourself?
sheldon: because i have no friends. like the proverbial cheese, i stand alone.

rock you like a hurricane.

last few days have been absofuckinglutely boring. feels like i've been dead the last week, actually.

i'm getting fat. i think i should pick up running again.

my nails are starting to be an eyesore. the pink was cute atfirst, but now it looks so plasticy and fake.

i wish i were a happier person t be around. sure i'm funny sometimes, and im pretty certain my friends enjoy the dark humour that i sometimes project. but still.

i haven't eaten the entire day but i'm really not hungry, there is, however, a strange craving for ma maisons, but that's only for the sake of binging.

my friends tell me i should take better care of myself. mummy tells me to take better care of my heart. but i can only focus on one thing at a time. everyone knows how A.D.D. i can get. boo.

i miss my boyfriend.

i thought that the phase with the insecurities was over, but found out otherwise last night. it was not a good day.

today's turning out just as shitty, in fact. and i don't like it.

i hate being consumed by my inner demons, but i haven't been able to get over the fact that i didn't use to be like this.

sigh.

boy, oh boy, do i wish you were here.