it's piteously grievous that i only now realize how depressed i really am. i don't use that word lightly, i really do mean i am depressed - let me describe the symptoms;
the heart is heavy and palpitating, breathing labored, mind racing, emotions in turmoil, etc, etc.. what is wrong?
it is only the wait that keeps me from spinning into insanity; the pleasure of hearing that maybe i'm not crazy, because with all honesty, i'm beginning to doubt myself. there is too much crying, self-pitying, going on that i don't know what's happening.
in the interest of things moving at a faster pace, i will, however say that it is not my intent to confuse or confound you, dear reader, but that i have trouble rationalizing my thoughts, and have no other way of looking back than to write them down.
i am sad, pained, upset, pining, broken, kissed by life, but at the same time, sullied. what more can i do to help my life move along? am i pathetic in hoping that someone would love me?
too tired. too incoherent. too faint. too occupied with the burdening (or unburdening) of my heart.
i know no other way.