just to know, that you are mine.

i just lost twelve dollars at banlat.
(blackjack.)
HAHAA.

ohh this freedom is something i'll miss
the tenderness,
this sweet caress of a cigarette upon my lips
and the sensual curve of yours on my skin.

please, don't stop.

this time could be better spent, really. when i think of all the things i really want to do, i think about how i haven't done any of them yet. unconsciously, i think i've fallen in between the cracks, and much worse, i wish to stay there. suddenly, i'm restless, i'm pacing, fidjeting, and compulsively start fretting about absolutely nothing. why i feel the need to find solace in being busy right here and now, i know not.

it's a mucus-and-cold-showers filled day.

me, my wine and i.

dear faithful readers who have been reading, please ignore my emo posts. i have not been myself recently.

work, as usual is driving me absolutely insane. my relationship and friendships have been as of late, feeling strained, but i am feeling very much better now.

500 days of summer. oh the memories i thought i'd forgotten about that the movie made me remember.

rather than stereotypical love stories, it's a story about love.
incredible how the two can be so very different.

WHY IS REALITY SO CRUEL.

strange that sometimes i feel like such a baby when people comment me on being so mature. i really am not.

D:

离歌


一开始我只相信伟大的是感情
最后我无力的看清强悍的是命运

你还是选择回去
他刺痛你的心但你不肯觉醒
你说爱本就是梦境
跟你借的幸福我只能还你
想留不能留才最寂寞
没说完温柔只剩离歌
心碎前一秒用力的相拥著沈默
用心跳送你辛酸离歌

原来爱是种任性不该太多考虑
爱没有聪不聪明只有愿不愿意

看不见永久听见离歌

hold your head high, heavy heart.

WHY.
DO.
YOU.
KEEP.
DOING.
THIS.

dreams, dreams, of when we had just started things.

spent the bulk of last night fidgeting and wriggling under the sheets. had a strange dream when i finally drifted into much desired sleep. however, rest was unbearably fitful. i had a strange dream, unlike any of the others i've had.

i'm wearing black, and i seem lost in a sea of white. the scene some how shifts, and i look across, and i see myself in WHITE, looking perfectly comfortable in a sea of black.

it was like looking in a mirror, but not quite. perturbed enough in the dream itself, i somehow manage to find a spot in a field of sunflowers, and i realized that i'm dressed in YELLOW.

i wake up, and it's 4pm in the fricking afternoon.

we won't.

"Compared to Sarah n me, she preferred me. And both she and Pu felt that me and Max are more compatible. But i told them I'm not ready for a relationship which Max want. So it's like flirtatious nite."

for someone who's apparently incapable of proper english, i have to say i'm impressed.

cos, i'll regret,
everything that i've said
to ever make her feel like she was something special.

sometimes, i have to remind myself.

apart from the hatred i have towards zee, i have to say, i can't blame her alone. have i not been assertive enough about my stand? boyfr, you need to take me more seriously when i say no.

on a different note, i find myself falling more in both love and hate with my job. customers remembering my name makes my entire shitty day better, while my memory when it comes to the specials consistently fail me.

why,
oh why GOD.

today wasted the bulk of my day chasing what i thought was a cash check. flew down to bedok to collect my IC so i could take my paycheck in cash. got to bedok interchange to find the bank closed. went to the POSB branch in kovan, queued for forever and the teller told me with this shit-eating grin that it was a CROSS CHEQUE.

i was ready to murder.

filled in my particulars and dropped the cheque like a normal person, while on the inside i was seething with the madness of a fugitive from the institute of mental heath.

like,
KANINABEHCHAOCHEEBYE
NINABUAYNEHBU.

i have no idea what i just said.

note to self:

paychecks are a minor issue, i know. but today when i looked at the cheque in my hands, i knew this was getting dangerous and i should do something about it. but rather than get up and do something to stop myself from wasting into oblivion.. i wonder why sometimes i continue sitting there and thinking of ways to stop myself from rotting.

ra, actions to words please.