& everything you do.

i think i've gotten to a point in my life where i only make sense to some people, and the rest of them simply don't take me seriously. i miss my life and the confidence i had to live it.

in the past two years i've found so many things and people to learn from, and the experience i've gained had long surpassed what i'd initially expected. apart from the independence, i've found that i'm not more tactful, more sensitive. in short, i suppose i've learnt to simply be kind to people.

i guess it's just not in my nature to go out of my way to be nice, and i've never thought that people may hold it against me for that. but yesterday, i realised that everything that i thought is essentially wrong and i've hurt the people that i've selfishly taken for granted.

despite everything that i thought i've grown into, to find that my past still haunts not just me but the ones i love kills me. i could tell you that my accomplishments to date are enough to make me feel better about such depressing going-ons, but i'd be lying through my bloody teeth.

i'm worried.

i'm scared and i'm worried.

this is not something that i can get used to.