i love reading aunt agony letters, because i adore pretending to be an expert advice giver. though i never made a profession of revealing the core of their problems and telling them where to put it, many of my friends will tell you i dispense the greatest advice ever in the history of great advice.
here's one that i came across on the net. i felt a need to add on my two cents worth so.
yahoo! news, abigail van buren, tuesday - november 15th 2011
(someone who is harried and has cancer:)
DEAR ABBY:
I have been battling breast cancer and have been blessed to have a lot of support from family, friends and some awesome medical providers. My husband's best friend and his wife socialize with us quite often, and the friendship is important to him. I recently celebrated a birthday and these friends had us over for a belated birthday dinner. They bought me beautiful flowers and a gift. The card attached made a joke about my "aging breasts," which she found quite funny.
Abby, I had a mastectomy, which she knew about! To make matters worse, my hair has just started to grow back from the chemo, so I decided to have some highlights put in, and she told me she didn't like my new hair.
I am hurt and dumbfounded by her insensitive behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time she has said things like this. How do I tell her I'm offended by her rudeness without compromising my husband's friendship with them? -- HARRIED FRIEND
(what abby said in response:)
DEAR HARRIED FRIEND:
You nailed it. The woman is insensitive -- but you said she has also made tasteless comments in the past. For the sake of the friendship between your husbands, tune her out and spend less time with her one-on-one. It's OK to tell her that her joke about your "aging breasts" hurt your feelings in light of your mastectomy, and that as your hair is growing back you thought you'd like to try something "different." However, if you use the word "offended" she'll probably become defensive, so avoid that word.
A final thought: Most people are terrified of cancer. People sometimes try to make jokes about things that make them uncomfortable in an effort to diffuse those feelings. This may be the reason the woman tried to joke about it, so don't let it cause you to carry a grudge.
(what i would have said:)
DEAR HARRIED PERSON:
this may come off as harsh, but woman, grow a pair. or a spine. bitch gotta recognize, man!
first off, she must think she's hilarious, so use humor as your weapon. for example, in retaliation to her knee-slapping aging breasts joke, you could say "well i had a mastectomy, what's your excuse?". in my opinion, such a response is not only witty, but also warranted. about what she said with regards to your 'do, your hair is your business and she shouldn't be in it. tell her so and don't be afraid of offending her. she certainly didn't care whether or not she did you. should her husband, or yours for that matter, have anything to say about it, you may feel free to smack them around a little then throw their sorry, soggy asses out on the street.
my dear lady, you had breast cancer. you're defo better than this woman and there is no reason for letting her push you around. you have a loving network of friends and family who have watched you survive chemo, so how would they feel if they saw you cheat death only so you could be this bitch's doormat? the way i see it, giving her a taste of her own bloody medicine is not just standing up for yourself. it is also giving credit to the people who care about you, and ultimately, for her own good as well.
abby thinks that most people are terrified of cancer. i'd say that's horseshit. EVERYONE, is terrified of cancer, and rightfully so. you have a lot of inner strength overcoming that hurdle love, and if this friend of yours can't respect that, she can jolly well FUCK OFF.
AND THERE'S PROOF.
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