i suppose this probably isn't the worst thing that could happen. my heart has been shattered yet again, because.. well, because i can't have what i want. to be fair, it's really not anyone else's fault but mine. years of broken relationships have left me decidedly cold with an emptiness i doubt anyone can fill. not for lack of trying on their part, of course, but maybe there are just some things that are meant to be left uncompleted.
today finds me a little impatient and on edge, waiting for answers i know will not come. i haven't felt this lost in awhile, but then the rejection of affection and best intentions can do that to a girl.
lost, this time, not broken. i've never been one for putting myself down, and i'm not going to start now. i have never been perfect, so that shouldn't come as a surprise, but do not mistake my healthy acceptance of my flaws for delusions of contentment. i am not broken, but i am not whole. maybe i thought this relationship would somehow heal me, or at least ease the ache i feel when i'm alone, and all i really wanted was to have someone to love, someone who loved me too.
it just seems strange that after all that two people have been through to be together, it's still not enough.
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