what the world's first alcoholics did.

dionysus, the god of wine and ecstatic liberation. the story of his life is truly fantastic, but of all the heart-rending tales of trial and tribulation, the life and virility he showed, and the misunderstandings he had to bear, this one truly takes the cake. since i don't have much to say, i can only hope you enjoy this as much as i do! <3



the demi-god (meaning, of course, he was birthed of a union between a human and a god.) was in athens, a tired, weary traveler. while wandering through the town, he meets this really nice guy named icarius, who just so happens to have a very pretty daughter who goes by erigone. the duo are very hospitable and they welcomed the god-man into their home.

entirely out of goodwill, dionysus decided one fine day that he would teach erigone and her father the art of wine-making to spread the love for the beverage before he left the. painstakingly, they started from tending to the vines, then harvesting the grapes, maturing their labour in barrels, and even packaging them after in wineskins.

icarius and erigone, having hearts of gold that they do, obviously decide to share. they gave them out to their neighbours and friends. what they forgot to do, however, was tell those who joined them in celebration, the effects alcohol tended to have on one's person.

daddy had the brightest idea one evening. when erigone left to go pluck some herbs on some mountain or whatever was girls her age did at the time, icarius decided he was gonna have a party. invitations extended to everyone in the village. the food was hastily consumed and the wine flowed. people drank and got more buzzed as the night progressed. the peasants, simple townfolk who honestly didn't know better thought the pair had fucking POISONED them.

oh horror!

in a fit of fear and anger, the drunkards clubbed poor icarius to death. when the nice man was quite dead, the folk decided he best be buried in an ulu (singlish for deserted) area. after squabbling for a bit they settled for mount hymettus as a suitable spot for a gruesome burial.

inevitably, erigone comes home to find her father missing, and god forbid any of those guilty would tell her what happened. the poor darling going out of her mind decides to go looking for her father, and takes along her best friend, maera, her faithful canine companion.

as the story goes she finally finds his corpse (the guys who buried him were probably still too intoxicated to do a good job at that point), and immediately loses it. she hangs herself from a tree just above his final resting place and maera, in her loyalty, jumps into a nearby well.

dionysus got a wind of what was going on in his absence, and when he found that his benefactors had basically just been murdered by stupidity, ignorance and other forms of pigheadedness, he flipped. he responded by inducing insanity in all the girls in athens and caused them to hang themselves from trees, just like erigone had.

the athenians realised that by this time the murderers had fled to another region dubbed delphi. in order to appease dionysus, they caught the bastards, brough them back from delphi and punished them duly for their folly. they later instituted a ceremony at the annual grape harvest in memory of the father and daughter, where little girls would swing themselves on innocent rope swings hanging from tree branches.

feeling somewhat better, dionysus decided it was enough for mourning so set about putting icarious, erigone and maera in the stars. hence they are now known to us as bootes, virgo and the dog-star (aka canicula).

THE END.

note to self: the next time i tell a story i shall do it in point form.