trouble sleeping.

jaded, not to say i'm giving up.

andrew was right, i don't know what it is that i want. i've always thought i did, but in light of recent events, the truth has become so obvious, even i can't ignore it.

too young, he says. i refuse to believe that's the cause for my confusion. if this were so, i'd still be farting around doing nothing with my life and living off my parents no? i'd like to think it's not due to youth, but more a personal choice that i've made to blind myself to some of my faults and my immaturity has told me that people adapting to my personality is the way it should be.

tee and i were having the first real conversation in a week on friday. i'm ashamed to say that this is exactly what i've accused him of. not contributing emotionally to this relationship (or whatever the hell it's supposed to be.), he thinks that accommodation on my part is all the love we need. in turn, it's turned me resentful toward the fact that i'm the only one giving in, and he's doing fuck all. no wait, behaving like the cats he hates. taking and not giving anything back.

so the question really is, what now? while it's become pretty much obvious that tee and i can't continue the way we are because it threatens both out professional and personal relationship, i really hate thinking about what it would be like without him around at all.

ahh decisions, decisions. it really gets to me, how they're usually not mine to be made.