people.

i find that people have a hard time believing how socially retarded i am. perhaps it's the bluntness of my words, or the eloquence of my speech that leads them to believe that i just don't care what people think of me. while that is also true, the fact that all this stems from my awkwardness as a child (and this has grown with me) cannot be denied.

sometimes i tell people that i do not do well with expression of emotions, and they say that it's clearly a lie. to them i say, you clearly don't know me too well. tis' true that i have never had a problem expressing my views and voicing my opinions about things going on around me, but it has always been difficult to internalize that thought process when it comes to dealing with my own issues.

just to be clear, this is really me trying to get word out on how frustrating it is to be constantly guaged by one facet of my character, when i have many. i am not saying i am special for thinking this. i'm sure that there are many who feel the same but do not have the words to adequately describe what they are going through. i've never thought myself part of a crowd, nor have i ever thought i was special. while this may sound like a paradox to you, it really is true. as a child i never really fit in, and though it bothered me for a few years, i suppose that somewhere along the way, i've just given up trying to fit someone else's bill. this does not make me interesting or unique.

this just makes me me trying to be a better version of me.