so here this guy i just met at amk hub. he comes up to me when i'm on my headphones and literally is begging me to listen. figuring since i'm here waiting for scandal, i have the time, and he's prolly had a rough day, i took out the little buds blasting breaking benjamin. big mistake.
as if mummy hasn't stressed me enough about my non-existant life plan, this guy comes and tells me how stupid it was not to have a financial plan. of course, he was actually nicer than i made him sound, but it really WAS just hard-fucking-selling.
he didn't mean to, but he emphasized how big an ass i already felt i was at the moment. i should have a plan, i should have a schedule, i should have a time line, i should have a career strategy, i should be able to see the future like lee kwan friggin yew. i don't know why, i bought it.
now i'm sitting at some random coffee bean 20 mins later, still waiting for scandal, still having mummy's and the dude's words ringing in my ears. it's rather irritating, really. but i don't know what i want, i don't know what i'm aiming for, and i quite readily admit it. so i'm not as mature as many thought i was, with my making this "big" decision in my life to move out and start out paying my own bills earlier than usual in chinese families.
B.F.D.
why should i know, and why should i care? honestly, all this serious talk makes me feel indignant, but at the same time sends me on a guilt trip around the world. somehow i still am here, back at square friggin one, and i feel my life is so stagnant it makes me sick to the stomach. wait, i have moved on in my life. rather, other people don't see things the same way.. they don't see my changes, or they deem it to insignificant to be recognized.
i do love and respect my parents, i really do, but mummy and daddy i want to live by my own standards. i want to figure out what i want on my own, and on my own terms. i care what other people think, despite my inability to admit it at times. forgive me for that, if i've hurt you along the way(and i know i have.). regardless, this is my life and i live it the way i want to. really, no regrets so far, and i intend to keep it that way.
in essence, what i'm really trying to say is please bear with me. when the shit hits the fan, i want to be able to take it. just give me more time, i'll grow up.
eventually.
No comments:
Post a Comment